Access when he lives abroad

[Greysloan]

Hi,
First time poster, apologies if I've put this in the wrong area  I have a DD who is 4. Her father chose to move abroad last year for "better work" after we split and is going to be there for an indefinite amount of time. He comes back to the UK for Christmas, DDs birthday and will be back for summer holidays.
He is very very last minute at organising to see her when he is back and has a tendency to try and change plans at last minute and there's an expectation I will comply and if I don't because we already have plans I get a "you're stopping me from seeing my child after months away" messages. I look after her by myself and also work full time doing long shifts to essentially keep a roof over our heads.
We can't agree on how time over school holidays should be split. I want him to have no more than 50/50. Because I see it as he chose to move away from her and I deserve to also spend the summer holidays with my DD. He said he will request and push to have her for the entire time that he is back in the UK.
Am I wrong in thinking that's completely unreasonable and that a solicitor would tell him similar?
I just feel so stressed, I do everything for our girl all by myself whilst he lives the high life and get threatened with the thought of him taking her for the entire summer holidays 

stop engaging with him, tell him he can have x week in the summer holiday (and do not give him her passport). He has until x date to confirm this .

end of. He does not get to dictate, he walked out.

What a wanker. So entitled and not a thought for how your daughter feels.

Your childcare situation has to work in your daughters best interest and imagine how hard it would be for her to be away from her mum for such a long period of time, how selfish of him to even suggest this! Also, why do you have to miss out on the summer holidays?! I think you're right. Routine is important, consistency is important. Put your foot down and no that he will NOT get the full summer holidays no matter was bullshit her comes out with!!!!!

With contact arrangements with court they won’t look at what is fair for dad or for you - they’ll look at what is best for your daughter.

So you can talk about her needing fun time with mum too, about not being away from you for too long at a time, about the importance of routine.

You can also offer other ongoing contact (eg a weekly phone call)