Sorry in advance if this is long I will keep it as short and to the point as I can.
My stbxh and I split 5 years ago. He left the FMH, I stayed and continue to pay the mortgage alone. He pays less than the legal minimum requirement in maintenance.
I stopped access to the children two years ago as he is just toxic and they requested this. I won’t go into lots of details as it is very long and boring. Womens aid were involved and I stopped contact on their advice and that of my solicitor. Prior to this I had done everything in power to ensure they maintained a relationship with him. Including staying in a country where I have no family, friends or support.
He ignored all my solicitors letters attempting to put an access agreement in place. He waited over a year then took me to court for access. He told lies about both me and my children to the reporter assigned to speak to us. The process was traumatic for the children and for myself if I’m honest. A court order was put in place for him to have indirect contact in the form of letters every two weeks. He has never once written to them. This was five months ago so don’t imagine they will get a letter now.
I cannot divorce him until an access agreement is in place. He is now ignoring his own solicitor. My solicitor has given me the choice of us contacting his solicitor and asking his permission to close the access case or to begin his indirect contact or to go to court for a full evidential hearing. I don’t want to put my children through the trauma of court. I also don’t want to ask him what he’s planning to do and yet again let him control our lives and decide when he is ready what he wants to do.
I cannot for the life of me understand why he seems to be the one holding the strings? He is continuing his abuse and control by keeping us in emotional turmoil.
He is taking home (after tax) in excess of £4k per month, I am on benefits. I cannot keep up with the repayments on the mortgage. He is keeping us in poverty while he lives the high life and it seems like there is nothing I can do about it.
I need my children to feel safe, I need to be divorced and I need to sell the house and cut my ties with him. It has been five years and I am done, I don’t know how much longer I can cope. Please can anybody at all offer me any advice I feel like I am losing my mind. I am in Scotland if that makes a difference.