Heeeeellllllppp!! Seriously reached my breaking point

[Squidworthscrabbypatty]

Hello,

I currently have 3 DC, the youngest of which is 21 months old.

All he does , morning , noon and night is cry and scream and whine, literally, putting him in his car seat gives sounds like he is being murdered and similar sounds when putting him in the buggy too!

He's not yet walking so I understand he can get frustrated but this is a the time, when we are at home playing or when I take him out to the park or the farm it is constant and I feel I have exhausted almost every option to try and manage his behavior effectively.

He will try and get in to open the oven door when it's on, will turn the hot tap on and hold his hand under it and laugh I literally do not know what more I can do (obviously I remove him from the tap/oven etc , these are just some examples)

I once tried leaving him with my friend for a few hours and he screamed and cried the whole time, when I was working full time and he was in nursery he cried pretty much the whole time except when he was eating

My older DCs weren't like this - he doesn't sleep all night either and screams the house down for most of the night, I am completely and utterly exhausted.

My parents won't entertain looking after him because "I should have thought about that before I had a third" and his DF up.and left when I was pregnant and actively chooses not to be involved so I feel like I am stuck between a rock and a hard place as I'm not sure how much more I can take 😪

My house looks like a bomb site because when I attempt any housework he just screams and he's decided now is a good time to stop his daytime nap too

Sorry for the rambling

Sorry I'd just typed a long reply and lost it!

On the plus side, it’s kind of sweet that he makes it so obvious he misses you, and has a strong sense of self. All good traits .
Not helpful, sorry.

OK, I'll start again.

This sounds really hard.

Have you spoken with the GP/HV? Your lo is obviously delayed and I'd advise suggesting that they review this.

The kitchen stuff sounds very sensory seeking. As well as obviously dangerous. Have you got a stairgate you could use for the kitchen door?

I'm not going to suggest diagnoses or anything, but as a parent I would want to rule out that he isn't pain and that's causing the crying. Is he at all verbal?

Have you looked at early help and portage? As well as children centres? They all maybe able to support or suggest things to put in place, try or explore.

Re the sleep, if he's dropping the nap, then I'd try to make sure he sleeps earlier so you can try and get some down time. Though I have to tbh and say if it was me, I'd persevere with pushing for a daytime nap because I valued that bit of time more than the nighttime.

Hope something in here is of use.

Omg OP I feel exhausted reading this. You poor thing, and this is not fair at all, I’m so sorry you have no help from your ex.

Can/does the youngest sleep in your bed with you? If not, that might calm him at night. I know some people don’t recommend it but you need some sleep.

I’d also take him to the gp/hv and explain everything you have here. There might be something they could help with or suggest, or support they could put you in touch with.

and a (((hug)))

This sounds so difficult. I wonder if Homestart could help at all?

Thankyou for all your replies!!

And thankyou for reassuring me, it is much appreciated!

I'm going to contact the HV on Monday to see if there is anything she can suggest/help with.

I do have him in bed with me because he was waking my eldest throughout the night but I am beyond exhausted as it hasn't changed anything!

I've got a gate on my kitchen and he will stand there screaming and screaming and screaming until I open it - I know it probably sounds an exaggeration , but literally he will scream for hours 😪

I will attempt to reintroduce daytime nap if for nothing else it may help save my sanity - I'm at the point now where I feel like I can't take him anywhere because he just screams and nothing I say or do changes it but then I get serious mum guilt about the older two (5 and 6 for reference) missing out!

It sounds like he is developmentally delayed. Have you not discussed this with your GP and pushed for a referral to a paediatrician?

His behaviour sounds like he's sensory seeking. How is he with sensory type activities? Could you try a range and see what helps to calm him. I agree with seeking help too, he does sound as if he needs some additional support.

childdevelopment.com.au/areas-of-concern/sensory-processing/sensory-diet/

yourkidstable.com/sensory-diet-activities/

In regards to being developmentally delayed, he didn't sit unaided until much before his first birthday and no one seemed concerned despite me raising concerns nor did he smile until he was about 6 months old (he was born at 37 weeks so not early either which I know sometimes can cause delays)

It is incredibly frustrating when no one (health professionals I'm looking at you) listens or appears to take your concerns seriously despite me having to answer the same question (no he is not my first child) time and time again!

@Partyatnumber10 good call with the sensory activities I will give some of these a go - he has plenty of toys but not much interest in playing with them

The irony is that when I was working full time I felt better equipped to manage his behaviour and had patience in bucketloads but now I am so frustrated I feel like I'm banging my head against a brick wall