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Lone parents

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Communicating with father of baby

3 replies

OctMama · 13/03/2022 16:41

Hi everyone
I would appreciate advice from anyone that has gone through a similar situation. My ex and I had been together for two years, he walked out on me during my pregnancy and left me for his ex they are now engaged and due to be married this year. He really hurt me and has caused nothing but stress during my pregnancy I hate him for what he’s done and I am having counselling. He sees our five month old son around once or twice a month for visits in Costa coffee. These are informal and often he gives little notice, I go due to breastfeeding and as much as I try and keep it business likes he comments that I’m beautiful, touches my legs etc says he misses me which really hurts and I’ve told him not too. He hasn’t paid any maintanence apart from £100 in cash and said I was threatening him by asking him, his new fiancée knows about the baby only as I told her but blames me and dosent want him to see either of us. I want my son to grow up to know his father but I don’t know what route to go down to make the arrangements more formal. I feel like I can’t escape him but want to put my emotions aside and do what’s best for my son. He hasn’t told his family and they live abroad as he’s from a community where he’d be disowned.

OP posts:
RandomMess · 13/03/2022 17:12

Well go to CMS for regular payments as his partner is more likely to find out due to these regular payments.

Offer him fixed contact on days and times that suit you, he may well not turn up but you can't force him to be involved unfortunately.

3peassuit · 13/03/2022 17:45

CMS and if he can’t behave appropriately ( touching your legs and saying he misses you is not on) he can organise a contact centre to see your baby. I think you need to take back control of this situation.

unicornsarereal72 · 13/03/2022 18:17

Cms for money. Do not compromise on this. You have 18 years of chasing him for this. Get it in the system.

Contact. First Sunday of the month at x. You will be there at 10. Can you take someone with you. If he doesn't show don't chase him. It is better for your son that he flakes now. Rather than later. I know it's rubbish but you can't make him step up to parent. So don't waste your energy.

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