Unexpected pregnancy

[Lolaloo72]

I've just found out I'm 6 weeks pregnant. My partner is an alcoholic and since he hasn't been making any meaningful steps towards recovery we have recently been discussing separating. We have a 2year old who has special needs. I'm 45 years old and facing the prospect of being a single parent, to 2 children. I'm worried that this child too could be born with special needs and I don't know how I would cope. I'm seriously contemplating terminating the pregnancy - the thought of having a brother or sister for my little boy would be the only reason I would continue it. I feel he's going to need all the love he can get in this world, and as I'm older I worry that I won't always be there for him. Anyone got advise or some real world experience that might help me?

I suppose much of this comes down to whether you think you could physically go ahead with an abortion or not?

What additional needs does you 2yo have? That would also have a bearing. Is he likely to live independently? Is the condition hereditary and genetic? Did you know this was likely before birth? Did you have harmony or nipt tests?

My lo is on the ASD spectrum with a host of other impacts and I chose not to ttc for a second as felt that my lo needed my full attention.

For us, that was the right decision. But I'm not sure that I would have been able to abort had I got pregnant. As that brings with it a whole host of emotional baggage etc that I don't think that I could bear.

I'm slightly older and suppose if it was me I maybe pragmatic, looking at the likelihood of mc etc. But I get that may not be for you.

Happy to chat.

My son has nf1 and is developmentally delayed. His condition is genetic but not hereditary. At this stage it is unclear how affected he will be in later life, my paediatrician has referred him to a mencap nursery but no one has been able to tell me what kind of prognosis he has. I think I'm just so aware of the risks now to a child when you have one later in life - no tests would have shown my son's condition. I get your point about needing to provide all your attention on your one child, it wasn't something I had really thought of before. Maybe that is more beneficial than a sibling?? Thanks for your response x

If it were me, I would not bring another child into this mess. Your focus needs to be on what's best for your existing child, and getting away from your alcoholic partner.

Sorry I think I meant to reply to you but posted again! I'm not sure how I feel about termination, at the minute I'm under 10 weeks and can opt for a chemical termination which I find more acceptable than an actual abortion, although in all honesty am not entirely comfortable with either. But then I could ne making life unbearable for all of us by going ahead.

One of the mums in our school has a lo with nf1. He's the only one out of 5 children! Same parents for all the children and he attended the mainstream nursery and now reception. Obviously, as with all conditions, he may be incomparable to your child, and may end up moving to a more specialist provision, but right now, there's no obvious significant difference between him and his peers (I was a teacher for 20 years too). So your child could follow similarly. (I was told my lo would need a special school when he was 20 months old and is in mainstream, so the predictions can be wrong).

I do think that for me, not ttc a second was right for us, though there are regrets when I think this means that I will one day leave my lo alone without that sibling relationship to fall back on for support and now am reliant that they may have this with their cousins!

Like you, I'd find a chemical termination more palatable than surgical abortion, but think that both would cause me too much longterm negative impact.

A difficult decision. And it's easy for others to say abort or keep, it's you that has to live with the decision.

@Lolaloo72 do you have NF1 yourself? Have you ever been tested? You might have a mild case.
IF you don't have Nf1, there are very low chances of your second child having Nf1 as well.
You can test for Nf1 during pregnancy. At your stage you can do a Chorionic villus sampling and look at the Nf1 gene.

Concerning your DS1, you need to be seen at an Nf1 clinic, there are several manifestations you need to be on the lookout for and there are several interventions that can help.

Does your paediatrician have expertise on the needs of NF1 kids? Has your son seen an ophthalmologist yet?