Chores for children

[ThisBloodyNoiseInMyHead]

Just a question for single, working mums - do your children help around the house, and what chores do they do?

My niece works 8-4, Monday to Friday, is on her own.

Her kids are 14, 10, and 6. The eldest boy said he does all the laundry and some of the cooking in the evenings. He and his 10-year-old brother have to make their own beds (change bedding etc). Apparently, their bedding hasn't been changed since Christmas. They also do the majority of the cleaning too. What do others think?

I think it's good parenting to get kids to take responsibility for household chores and as a single mum you can't do it all alone. I do think it has to be within reason, doing all the laundry would be a bit much in my eyes but a 14 year old making the odd simple meal seems reasonable.

Single or not I do what my kids need, I'll do their beds, they can put their own laundry away, they cook occasionally, although the mess they make makes it not worthwhile.

I don't believe that parents doing everything all of the time, sets them up for any sort of independent life. But it should be proportionate and that's obviously different for every household, child, age and circumstances.

From being a toddler my lo has "helped" and now in primary school this has continued, it could be can the put the washing from the basket into the machine, or help me to take the sheets off the bed or put a pillowcase on a pillow (great for development) or load their dirty plate into the dishwasher etc. So though no rota or anything, ad hoc to me this is absolutely appropriate. Doesn't mean that I never load the washing machine!

Her kids are 14, 10, and 6.The eldest boy said he does all the laundry and some of the cooking in the evenings.He and his 10-year-old brother have to make their own beds (change bedding etc).
For me the issue here is that she obviously has no oversight over these jobs and she should be prompting.
Does laundry literally mean put into the machine? Or does it mean in the machine and on line or dryer? Folded and put away? Ironed? If all of that it's a lot for a family of 4. The cooking is a good skill to be fostering and tbh my lo has been "cooking" since 18 months and although it's obviously supported and supervised, it's great to see their enthusiasm and suggestions for food combinations.
I also assume that this means she's responsible for the shopping, packed lunch making, ironing, hoovering, kitchen cleaning, washing up, floor washing etc. So she still does have a heavy load.

Clearly if their bedding hasn’t been changed since Christmas and a 14 year old does all the laundry for 4 people, as well as cooking, then something is very wrong in the situation. This isn’t about chores, it’s about something else.

Bedding should be changed more often. My 10yo and 14yo wouod do that in their own. We would have done that for the 6yo.

Doing some cooking in the evening for the family isn’t an issue as long as it’s like 1 or 2 times a week not 4 or 5.

I’d wonder about the 14yo ‘doing all the cleaning and all the laundry’ if it’s self reported tbh.
By laundry isn’t the biggest chore of all and yes my dcs would have known how to out the washing to go/put it to dry at 14yo.
Doing ALL the cleaning on the top of the rest sounds excessive. But again, my dcs have done all the cleaning in their room (hoovering/dusting etc…) since their were about 11yo (start if secondary) so in paper could have done it in the rest if the house too.

Thé issue isn’t any of those chores for me. It’s the amount that seems to be expected (IF the teen is to be believed - which they might or they might - for the simple reason that said teens often just don’t see all the othe stuff adults do around them iyswim)

My kids stripped beds in primary and when one of them had a high sleeper, they would tuck in the fitted sheet for the side of the mattress against the wall for me. They went on a residential with school in year 5 (age 9-10) and they were expected to make a bed including duvet.

A 14yo should be able to cook some meals. What time is dinner and how long is niece's commute? We have dinner about 6/6:30 but I know lots of kids eat much earlier.

It's hard to say if your niece is being unreasonable because it's not clear what these jobs entail. Does he pop some laundry into the machine and turn it on? Or does he have to hang, iron etc Same with the dinners- popping an oven pizza is something that my kids could do in late primary. If he's cooking a fish pie from scratch then that's very different.

The problem isn’t what is reasonable, it is that these children aren’t coping with the tasks that they have been given and their mother isn’t supporting them in their inability to cope.

Of course a 10 year old (NT) should be able to change bed linens but in what circumstances, what else is going on, why have the linens been left unchanged for months? If the children are responsible for cleaning as well, is it being done?