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Lone parents

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Original poster

Ex partner taking me to family court but I don’t stop him seeing daughter

21 replies

Kir5tyTwiggy · 08/03/2022 18:53

Hi I would be grateful for some advise as my ex partner has recently told me he going to court over our daughter but I asked why as he see’s her and I do not stop him haveing contact with her as he a good dad and she loves him but I just don’t see the court dealing with it as there’s no issue on him seeing her has anyone been through this at all ???

OP posts:

boomoohoo · 08/03/2022 19:09

That's weird, does he want a contact arrangement that you don't agree with? Ie more contacts with her? Or 50/50? How old is your child?

Odd that things seem fine from your pov and he is taking you to court.. has he not discussed what he wants from the court? Has he raised concerns about your parenting?

Easterbunnyiswindowshopping · 08/03/2022 19:11

Depends if you put conditions on his contact/change arrangements /etc..maybe he wants to know what his plans are with dc as a regular arrangement if it currently isn't.

TracyMosby · 08/03/2022 19:12

What does he want to achieve?

Original poster

Kir5tyTwiggy · 08/03/2022 19:18

Thanks guys he will jot talk to me he is very hard person to talk to even when we was together if he don’t want to talk he won’t unless it’s something he wants to talk about , but yes maybe it is to have set days and times maybe but I really don’t want to go as in my eyes I’m not making any think hard for him and iv been family court previously with my other ex and had terrible time they just do not listen to you and you and your child /children are just a name on a piece of paper to them

OP posts:

Original poster

Kir5tyTwiggy · 08/03/2022 19:22

He has a new girlfriend that was actually someone I knew and actually went out with my last ex when we split very wierd situation she is a very unpleasant person but I’m trying to put that to back of my head but think she is having a input on things , all I want is to get on for the children but he doesn’t

OP posts:

Pumpkinstace · 08/03/2022 19:28

Do you say when he can have her?

My partner sees his son but we are still going to have to take it to court because the mum very much controls when he sees him.

There is contact but it's very much on her terms.

Original poster

Kir5tyTwiggy · 08/03/2022 19:44

No he sends me dates for two months in advance and iv changed one weekend as was my birthday and I went away for weekend but Barr that he a rude day me dates and he asks for longer sometimes or another night and I have always been fine with it as long as my daughter is happy I’m fine

OP posts:

boomoohoo · 08/03/2022 20:10

The court expects parents to sort out contact via mediation in the first instance. He won't be looked at favourably if he hasn't done this.
He sounds controlling op, not talking to you.
Is it possible he's saying this just to make you feel scared? Without having any intention to. This is not a case for court

boomoohoo · 08/03/2022 20:12

Without any jntention to go to court, I mean

TheStarOnTheChristmasTree · 08/03/2022 20:27

My ex did this. Turns out he wanted it in writing to reduce his child support payments. Then he hardly ever had the DC but because he had the paperwork to show he had them every other weekend he got to reduce his payments. He was and still is a twat!

Original poster

Kir5tyTwiggy · 09/03/2022 10:05

Omg really I did not think of it reducing payments , but yes you are right it seems it is control aswell I just have no fight left in me and tryed to do what right for children but sometimes it just does not work with people like that , he will txt me saying I am not seeing child after this week as will leave it to court to decide, so when I write back and say you can see your daughter send me over dates and that I just want to get on , I get no response

OP posts:

gonnabeok · 09/03/2022 10:18

Wait until he submits an application for a child arrangement order to the court. He has to send you a copy and in that you will see what he is requesting. It may be full time custody or 50/50. Be aware thought that the courts are massively backlogged. 3 - 4 months in some areas at least for a first hearing. Then there will be a series of hearings. Make a record of all the dates and times of visitation and take copies of your text messages. Now only arrange visits when you have it in writing - such as emails /text messages.

Be wary that he may now get really nasty and try to accuse you of all sorts, such as domestic violence/control or being a bad mother. That's what some of these men stoop to. The best advise I had was to invite him to mediation. You can find a mediator online. It is about £120 for an intial meeting but the government are contributing up to £500 towards the process to keep parents out of court.

The best legal advice I had was to contact a mediator and offer him mediation to come up with a written agreement of contact - which can later be ratified into a legal agreement. When you do you will be given a certificate by the mediator that you attended mediation. The mediator will email him inviting him to attend. If he doesn't reply to them and wont engage then you will know where he is coming from. You will be given a certificate to say you attended the meeting on your own. If he doesn't attend he will have to show the court a reason. You can be exempt from mediation if you have been in a domestically abusive relationship. If he doesn't agree to mediation and fails to contact the mediator, then you will know he is about to become nasty about it and start to play games. In this scenario, be wary that he may put all sorts of lies about you on his child application order form to the court.

The court process is a lengthy process with a series of hearing.Some are taking upwards of 12 months to complete. They estimate if a solicitor or barrister is used the whole process can cost between £10,000 to £20,000 depending on the circumstances. Obviously you can represent yourself too or look at mckenzie friends. If you have been at high risk of domestic abuse you can apply for legal aid to help with court costs.

merryhouse · 09/03/2022 10:42

Oooh, keep that text. Show the court that when left to his own devices he actively chooses not to see the child.

Easterbunnyiswindowshopping · 09/03/2022 12:32

I would also think his gf has had a very different version of your split. She may be goading him to harass you and make out he is in charge here.

Original poster

Kir5tyTwiggy · 09/03/2022 14:04

@gonnabeok thank you for that information, I had a feeling already that he is going to play nasty and I just shocked because that’s the person he was , I’m not totally sure what is up with him these days but I just can’t do nothing right

OP posts:

Original poster

Kir5tyTwiggy · 09/03/2022 14:05

I ment not the person he was 🙈

OP posts:

Readyforspring · 11/03/2022 20:04

I reckon its to lower his maintenance. If its in writing.
Keep and print all emails and text.

DH had to take his ex to court. As she withheld contact.
It was simple £185 if i remember correct to submit the forms.
He didn't get representation he didnt need it. She did paid 5k. And made herself look an idiot when the evidence was shown of her playing games.
He actually came away with more than he requested as she told the judge 'hes not having MY DD 2 nights in a row. The judge saod pardon? She repeated and she said to dh. How does 3 nights work for you? With work and school runs etc. Plus half all holidays and every other Xmas and boxing day.? Her words to his ex and her barrister was ' ill be deciding the outcome not you.
Took 3m from submitting the forms to hearing. All dealt with 1st hearing

If you've not stopped contact have proof etc you'll be fine

ivykaty44 · 11/03/2022 20:08

if he's going to take you to court

id suggest you write a letter offering mediation
keep a diary of dates your ex has dc

if this goes to court it really will not be looked on favourably as there is nothing wrong, courts don't like actually getting involved and want parents to parent together and sort stuff out

MummyL0 · 24/12/2022 02:28

Hey OP,
Any update on this? I'm currently in a veryyy similar situation. It's so stressful, I hope you for things sorted.

MummyL0 · 24/12/2022 02:29

hope you got **

DPotter · 24/12/2022 03:12

mummyLO

this is an old thread and it's highly likely the OP isn't monitoring it. If you want to ask her directly you need to tag her using @

You could always start you're own thread asking for anyone with a similar experience

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