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Lone parents

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Original poster

So upset about my son going away

10 replies

Wednesdayafternoon · 08/03/2022 17:27

He's going to his dads for a week over Easter and I'm just so sad. I'm going to miss him so much. I hate him being away for so long, I don't feel his dad ever gives me an accurate story of how he is, he's always "wonderful" or "amazing" so I do worry about him. I'm still so wounded about having to coparent after ex walked out on us. I can't seem to get past grieving what I have lost (childcare wise). I know he will enjoy his time, I know it's important for him, I know he's not just mine (so please don't respond with this, it's not my point). With single parenting it's always the child's best interest and I totally support and believe in that, but I've come to realise over the past few weeks that I've stopped thinking about my own feelings and my own interest.
I'm just going to miss him so much 😢😢😢😢
And to make me feel even worse, Disney dad will be in full swing. Last time he went away for a week he came back so overwhelmed.

Urgh. Just rubbish. Hate this.

OP posts:
unicornsarereal72 · 09/03/2022 06:26

How you feel is only natural a week is a long time. How old is your son. Does he usually go for weekends?

I miss mine when they are t here. It just isn't the same. I keep busy and make my own plans.

Will you have some sort of contact in that week? Does your son have a phone. I gave my youngest one at 8. Far too young. But enabled them to have some contact with their father. Now they are ten they take it with them as they know how to keep it safe.

Original poster
Wednesdayafternoon · 09/03/2022 09:01

Thank you @unicornsarereal72 !
He's 5. He lives with me primarily but stays overnight at his dads weekly too.
My self esteem is just shot at I think. I worry he won't want to come home which I know of ridiculous but that's just how I feel.
I'm going to decorate his room whilst he's away and I'll be working too so I will be busy but I just feel SO sad.

OP posts:
unicornsarereal72 · 09/03/2022 10:35

You are allowed too. He will have a great time and will be excited to come back home to his new bedroom. My ex is Disney dad. And I worried the kids would rather play happy families there. But they always only have one mum and no one can replace them. Pack him some nice surprises in his case so he knows you are thinking about him. My mum did this one year and we kept finding little chocolate bunnies all week.

dreamingofspain · 16/03/2022 17:27

Hey @Wednesdayafternoon I came to this board looking to ask a slightly different question/see if I'm the only person who feels like this - and then saw your post and it's kind of similar so thought I'd post here.

My issue is that the lone parenting when he's with me feels super intense at the moment. My son is also 5 and it just feels hard to be always-on - especially, I guess, as he's my only child and so wants my constant attention. So I find that hard. And then on top of that, just like you, I miss him intensely when he's with his dad. Even when he's away for just the night - so I drop him at school in the morning and don't see him until after-school the next day, the best way to describe it is that I feel like part of me is missing. I recognise the freedom I have in those times and try to enjoy/appreciate them, and equally try to enjoy the time I do have with him - but at my lowest, I feel I'm just rubbish and am not enjoying either scenario enough. I guess I was just wondering if this is common and if anyone has any ideas on what I can do to feel less like a terrible person and mum.

Lonecatwithkitten · 17/03/2022 08:09

@Wednesdayafternoon when I was first in your situation I cleaned and painted and fixed in a frenzy whilst my DD was with her Dad.
Gradually I learned to cope with my sadness and enjoy the time. I found activities that filled my time and gradually it got less hard.
You are not alone with your feelings. Just try to take pleasure in the little things, only yourself to dress and get out the house, you could go for a drink after work with a friend. Or meet some for coffee.

PurrBox · 17/03/2022 08:27

A divorced friend of mine, whose kids are now leaving for university, told me something positive about the experience of coping with separations from her kids when they were little and had to spend time with their other parent.

She hated being apart from them, but those separations forced her to work on her hobbies and her other relationships, so now that her kids are leaving home she has well developed friendships, is used to filling her spare time in a meaningful way, and has put energy into taking care of her own spirit and psyche. She is finding the empty nest less heartbreaking than she would have, if she had not kept those other parts of herself alive.

RetireReady · 01/04/2022 19:15

I still don't like being away from my dc but I used to really be affected by it when they were below the age of 8 as I worried that if things weren't ok they would not have the confidence to speak up and say what they weren't happy about.

Now they are a bit older and I know that they will have that confidence I am a lot more comfortable about it, although I still miss them a lot and I can see that if they turn into horrendous teens I might actually look forward to respite from their drama.
That feeling is also because at the age of 5 you micro manage their whole lives...and then 'poof' you have no children to look after and that i found very difficult.

Ddmcm · 03/04/2022 07:42

My son went away for a week at his dads yesterday, I miss him already! I know he will have a good time and he rarely sees his father but it's not easy
It's all or nothing as a lone parent, either 100% full on and I don't have time for anything or a week when I'm rattling around like a spare part

Original poster
Wednesdayafternoon · 03/04/2022 08:47

@Ddmcm

My son went away for a week at his dads yesterday, I miss him already! I know he will have a good time and he rarely sees his father but it's not easy It's all or nothing as a lone parent, either 100% full on and I don't have time for anything or a week when I'm rattling around like a spare part
Yes I totally agree! Last week I was burnt out as were decorating and everything else on top of it. But now I just don't know what to do with myself! I know he'll enjoy his little time away, but it's just so hard being a single parent because your feelings are just so extreme :(
OP posts:
GeekyGirl42 · 03/04/2022 23:40

Completely normal for you to feel this way. I experienced similar and found my way eventually - when you DS is with your ex, it's time to focus on you. And be extra kind to yourself because it is really tough

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