So bit of back story. I have always been in d’s life, she is 9 and now lives with me and wife full time after concerns were raised about bm and their home/other family members.
I split from my ex when d was 4 months old, ex threatened to never let me see my d so I applied to court for contact straight away, secured every weekend plus split school holidays. For 5 years everything was the same until I was approached at work by a family support worker that was supporting mum and family, completely unknown to me, asking if I could take d for a couple of days as mum needed additional support. I of course agreed, as soon I said yes the support worker opened a flood gate and told me all the concerns they had about d and mums home. This prompted me to make an emergency application to court to prevent her being removed from my care by mum and to start the process for the full residency process. After a couple of months and a very lengthy section 7 report it was ordered that d should stay with me and mum would have alternating weekends and split school holidays. Everything seemed to settle into place until d was at an overnight contact and older maternal brother sexually assaulted d. This of course effected contact and how she could safely spend time with mum. I tried everything to keep contact with mum going, I supported contact in the community, paid for them to go to soft play centres, fast food restaurants, you name it, I did it to try keep a level of contact. It wasn’t mum that committed the assault and d certainly shouldn’t lose a relationship with a parent because of something like that. At first mum was 100% agreeable that contact couldn’t be how it was because the brother, still a child himself, lived at mums home. This soon changed and around 2 months after incident mum completely went back on all agreements that had been made with myself and professionals that had become involved and insured that contact be restored at the previous level. This obviously was not an option for me or the professionals so mum made an application to court to try enforce the court order. The application for an enforcement order lost any amount of pace it had as soon as the court learnt the reason for changing contact, the court has for two and half years been attempting to make an updated child arrangements order that gives contact but maintains safety, we’re several attempts down the line. During the whole process d’s behaviour has plummeted and at one point was attending a specialist centre instead of main stream school.
Around 6 months ago the court appointed a guardian and solicitor to act on behalf of d and they requested that d, mum and myself all have psychological assessments. Daughters to find what is effecting her and the best route forward to support her care needs, mum and i to confirm our parenting strengths and who is or isn’t able to support d. The report has been returned and states that mum should not have unsupervised contact with d and that contact should be supervised by professionals. Highlights concerns of lack of boundaries, mums need to be victim, mums lack of understanding, mum has downplayed the incident with older brother. A lot of concerns.
The guardian and solicitor appointed by court agree with the psychologist but mum is insisting that contact return to what it was previously or she will walk away.
Mum is adamant, even after being given time to reflect on the situation, that if she cannot have unsupervised contact she is going to walk away and have no contact at all.
The issue is, daughter wants contact desperately. We’re back in court very soon to review the report and either set contact or at least keep the ball rolling to find the best solution. The solicitor and guardian have said that if mum is of the same opinion on the day of court then we should make final statements and get an order to close the process.
I am 99.9% certain that mum on the day, will say unsupervised or nothing, maybe in an attempt to force the court to consider unsupervised contact but the court, guardian, solicitors and everyone at this point will not be duped or forced down that path. it really is the last chance to agree contact which will leave me having to break it to d that she will not be having contact with mum anymore.
How on earth do I do that? What could I possibly say to make d feel like it isn’t her fault?
After two and half years of hearings and assessments and d’s behaviour deteriorating I asked that an order be given to prevent anymore applications being made as no matter the outcome we need stability for d. This means if/when mum states she’s walking away and will not have contact it will be that way for years to come. I’m not against mum having contact but d needs stability and I can’t keep allowing instability to effect d the way it has.
I really don’t know what I’m going to tell d after the next hearing, any advice from anyone is appreciated