Urgent - when child doesn't want to go to other parent's

[Blahtastic]

Sorry quick advice needed. Dd(9) doesn't want to go to her dad's tonight. School said it's her decision, I need to let her dad know. There will be comeback, but does anyone know if he can force her to go? We don't have a court order. I've taken legal advice previously and they said to stop contact and make him take me to court. She was at his this weekend and was upset, messaging me to pick her up. Thanks in advance

School said it's her decision, I need to let her dad know

The school are seriously overstepping there, it has nothing to do with them and they should not even be making comment.

I think it depends WHY she doesn't want to go, have You asked her?

He can't do anything to compel her to go, but what's the real story?

why doesn’t she want to go, technically her school is incorrect and at 9 it isn’t her decision as court wouldn’t take a child of 9s opinion into account, no safeguarding reasons As you haven’t mentioned any? I wonder if the school would say it was her decision if she decided she didn’t want to go to school....

Nothing to do with school....she's 9 ....he has PR ...what is the back story?

My (limited) understanding is that when a child is that age, YOU have an obligation to ensure she goes to her dads. If you don't make her go, you can be said to be participating in alienation (or whatever).

When they're teenagers, they are able to make that decision for themselves, but at 9 they're not.

If you don't make her go, her dad will be able to pursue this in court if he wanted to take it further.

Tough one. What's your ex like? Would he listen to her reasons and work with you to try and reassure her into going? Or is he likely to fly off the handle?

I would be very upset about forcing my 9 year old into going somewhere that they didn't want to go but then I think a lot of it depends on the reasons why. If you're struggling to get to the bottom of it a quick fix would be to tell him she's unwell but obviously this is something that you need to get to the bottom of. He can't force you to send her but if this becomes an ongoing thing and he decided to go to court she will have to go then.

Considering she was unhappy at the weekend too, can she explain why she doesn't want to visit?

Thanks all. She has only recently got a phone and since having it she texts me each time she's there telling me how upset she is (she has also said this previously on return home after time at her dad's, pretty much every time). I'm not concerned about any safeguarding issues, I think she doesn't enjoy being there and is homesick (for want of a better word). She was up for over 2 hours on Sunday night texting me to pick her up, I asked her to talk to her dad but she wouldn't. I managed to get her to calm down and then raised it with school the next day. I took legal advice last summer when she was getting upset each time about going but then it settled down.

Ex is not pleasant, he's very difficult to deal with and oppositional at every opportunity. Our older son has already stopped contact of his own choice, there are additional considerations there (possible autism and anxiety) which ex does not recognise/agree with and more recently has said he will block me trying to apply for EHCP.