In love with father of my unborn child and struggling to cope

[OhWomanOhMan]

Me and the dad not together since found out I was pregnant and hadn’t been together that long - under a year. Now 22 weeks pregnant. He said he will still be in baby’s life. I’m crying every day. Can’t stop thinking how I’m not good enough for him, inferior compared to his ex’s, feel ugly and disgusting, gaining weight with pregnancy which makes me feel worse. No idea how I’m supposed to get over him when he’s still going to be in child’s life. Anyone else not been in relationship with child’s father but been in love with him? How long and how can I get over him? I can’t bear having feelings like this for him.

I think you need to concentrate on one thing, and that is your pregnancy. Being sad and crying is not good for your mental health and won’t do much for your physical health.

Being a parent means that you have to put another persons life and wellbeing ahead of your own needs and wants. That means recognising that your situation is unlikely to change and that frankly, you have to face up to it and make the best of it that you can. So think about how you are going to house, clothe and feed you and your child. Think about how you can put other loving caring people into your child’s life be they friends, colleagues or relatives. It is up to you now to build a strong safe world for your baby.

I am sorry your relationship hasn’t worked out, it is a brutal feeling to be rejected, and you and your child deserved better, but you can’t make someone love you.

Try to look forward to the future, one of the huge joys of parenthood is that you have the chance to build a relationship with another human being that is based on unconditional love.

And the chances are that at some point in your future you will find another man who will also love you as much as you love them.

I think it’s more difficult when they leave you as it’s not really a choice, my ex left me when I was pregnant (although we have other kids) he doesn’t see them at all now, I am of course over it now but it was fifty or at the time, being single and pregnant is hard.