Dad refusing to go to his daughters birthday party

[GeordieKaty]

I have a daughter and separated from her dad after finding out about his affairs and that he had another child. He is not together with the mum but takes our daughter to see her sister once a fortnight. It’s her sisters birthdays and she’s been invited to her party but my ex has said he isn’t going. I think this is because her mum has a new partner but I don’t know for sure his reasons. My daughter has asked if I will take her and I would (I’m on good terms with the mum, we were both basically duped by him and our children are sisters) but it’s on the day my ex has my daughter. Do I just let it go and she misses her sisters birthday party? I think that will have to happen as I don’t want to try and help and be accused of interfering. Just wondering peoples thoughts?

Could you tell him that dd wants to go and offer to take her? Then just see what he says? I don't think you can force it though.

Be the proper grown up here and take dd to the party. Likely your dd will grow to have a more stable relationship with her sibling than with her df given your description of him..

You seem to have missed the part about it being on the Dad's day @Easterbunnyiswindowshopping

I think you could offer to take her, but if it's his contact time it will be up to him whether he accepts your offer.

I sympathise, he sounds like a selfish shitbag - but there's a limit to how much influence you can have over what he does with her on his contact time.

I thought I could say that I’ll take her and that might actually make him change his mind and go as he likes to be in control and he won’t like the idea of me going. However, I am happy to take her I’m just worried he’ll make a fuss and I don’t want my daughter upset. If I do nothing though, she misses out and I think I should be able to say that I’ll take her. Thank you, I just didn’t know what to do for the best.

Hmm ok so I’m just not sure now! So maybe let him know she wants to go and if he doesn’t want to take her I can? And then just accept whatever his response is even if it’s a no? At least then I’ve tried? Thanks for the advice, I appreciate it and this is what I need to help get my head clear!

Offer to take her and if he says no then maybe you could meet up with her sister and Mum for an hour or two close to the birthday so she can celebrate with her. You said you are on good terms but i guess this depends on just how good

@sadpapercourtesan

I think you could offer to take her, but if it's his contact time it will be up to him whether he accepts your offer.

I sympathise, he sounds like a selfish shitbag - but there's a limit to how much influence you can have over what he does with her on his contact time.

Yes this.

Do what you can to help her go.