just how much involvement do soon to be X dh have your your dc life and yours

[TLV]

and then does it diminish with time? or is it a case of they have as much involvement as you want them to have, just asking really

I guess it depends on the bloke and the situation..
my ex has the kids every fri night - sun night, and more in the school hols. He phones every night to speak to them.
This is probably more than a lot of absent dads do though?

does he still do stuff for you tho?

xp has them every 2nd weekend at mine and sees them tues and thurs nights, more if he asks.
This is now in stone after 6 months of arsing about.
We still do stuff together if we are getting on ok, we dont if we are causing an atmosphere between ourselves

what do you mean by "stuff"?

Oh not that sort of stuff, I mean going to pictures with kids, to the park, the cinema, etc...
But if we arent getting along that day I dont go.

tlv - i read your post about wanting the divorce to stop on the relationships thread. how long have you been seperated, when did he move out and do you think there is hope for your relationship? is he doing stuff for you? have you spoken to him?

I think the ideal is 'as much as possible' but this depends on an XP being, first of all, not a violent, dangerous arse, or someone with addiction problems. Both parents should put the DCs interests first, and (unless one partner is really undesirable as detailed above) it's in DCs best interest to have lots of contact with the non-residential parent. What one has to do is separate the former-couplehood relationship you had from the co-parent of your DCs relationship you now have, and try to keep that new one as amicable as possible. Obviously this isn;t always easy.

I meant that question for TLV not you Charliecat!!!!!

I meant that question for TLV not you Charliecat!!!!!

Whoops

Oh yes I reread my post and thought it sounded like i was doing rude things with xp LOL