Being a single mum has been isolating

[smartiesandtwix]

I've been doing it for years, and it doesn't help I have no family. Now dcs are nearly grown, but we have virtually nobody around us and I feel like a failure over it in a way. Looking back though, I've found it so isolating as a lp - hard to have a social life because of very little free time and I didn't get invited to things with couples. Also I feel like other people go on holidays with other families, and that never happened for us either. Anyone else found it difficult and isolating? I really have tried to make friends over the years and feel sad about it.

It can be isolating, yes. I definitely agree that my friendships have suffered.

But, you say your children are almost grown up? Now is a great time to re focus on you, now they can be left on their own. What do you enjoy? You could join a running or walking group, start a college class, go to the gym etc. You are entering a new phase where you can go out and meet people, and build friendships for the next phase of your life.

Thanks LadyOracle you are right I do need to look to the future more and think about how to meet new people. I'm going to think about your suggestions and taking up a hobby, thanks.

I live very close to my parents so always had them so not very lonely but my friends / acquaintances always came from whatever activity Dd was involved in at the time along with a few work friends. I've never really had anyone to go to the cinema cafe for a coffee or meal out unless it was a work do. Saying that I'm not great at being social anyway, whether that has developed from being a LP or not I'm not quite sure, feels a bit chicken or egg. Not sure I would have had the time or energy to put I to cultivating real friendships.
Once Dd is grown I'll join groups etc, she's 12 now so my independence has increased recently as she's old enough to be left at home for a while but this only really extends to whizzing around the supermarket without trailing her behind me.

Time and energy has definitely been a factor. Like needing to pay for a babysitter to go out in the evenings. It's a good point whether lots of time alone makes you feel more unsocial I don't know. Being a lp can be isolating. It's right that I can do more in the future now, I think I've got a bit stuck in a rut!

I totally get you!! I'm a lone parent too and there's been loads of times this last year I've felt really lonely and isolated. Before that, my youngest kids were really young so I didn't have time to feel so lonely, also I had a really close friend until ex ruined it!

Anyway, I've got 4 kids and I always have at least the 6 year old at home with me. The 2 teenagers are also usually at home too and my youngest only goes to dads on a Saturday night. I'm at uni and I do feel hopeful about future friendships developing through work etc but it's hard as an adult isn't it? It makes me sad when I see social media posts of people with groups of girl mates going away for the weekend etc.

It's probably a bit different for me because my ex is horrendous and has really ruined lots of my friends and family relationships, most of them are beyond repair.

Yes but I have no friends or family and no partner, can’t go to places to make friends as I’m a lone parent so don’t get time away from my kids, same reason why I can’t date either so yes very lonely/ isolated

Your ex sounds horrible uhtredsonofuhtred1

Yes it can be hard to have a social life as a lp without family support. Anything you can do making friends wise with the dc RedCandyApple? I know that's not always easy as well.

I met female friends at single parent groups. Try to find some. Gingerbread/facebook/meetup where you can take them along.

Yes, it is. I remember the times I had to cancel evenings out as I had a sick child.
I simply gave up in the end. Also partly due to having a non-sleeper. I had to put work and health first.

I find it super isolating too! Totally understand. I have no real family too (parents died in a car crash in the States a few years ago) , my sister is married to an Australian so lives in Brisbane, and my ex-husband is better off not near me or my DD. I work in a a women's prison earning about £22k and then do odd jobs like painting fences or in the garden in weeknds to earn some extra cash so I can save for a deposit. With a 12 year old daughter to feed, I am constantly worried about money and also her wellbeing and studies so it is super hard to have any social time. I wake up, go for a run, come back eat , shower get ready, work, come back , eat and sleep. I am so tired in the weekend. Just the life of a single mum, got to say goodbye to all that social life (though for my DD its worth it)

I am sure it is I am part of a couple bit we have no family support at all and that is very hard so can only imagine how much harder it must be for you.

We also seem to live in an area full of perfect families with endless extended family desperate to help with childcare and parents on huge salaries who can pay for babysitting as well. Honestly some of their lives have been affected very little by having kids even some in their 40's still have their parents on speed dial. Could you begin a college course that provides childcare or volunteer somewhere that provide childcare or where children can attend with you?