Am I doing something wrong here!

[Frederik33]

Hi everyone I haven't posted in this sub before. I'm 53 and mum to a 16 year old girl and 13 year old boy. We sadly lost my husband very suddenly in 2018. My parents are both dead and apart from a few friends here my only support is my sister who lives in Cumbria we live near Manchester.

I have pretty long standing mental health issues and alcohol misuse but have been in treatment for that for over a year now and been mostly sober.

Kids are well in themselves do really well at school and college.

I'm working 26 hours a week low wage but feel time is already stretched as house is quite big and big garden too, kids don't help with anything !

I tried to work extra since last Autumn but that has led to me falling away from my recovery schedule so missing my meetings basically.

I just worry about finances all the time and we run out of money or very tight in the last week of every month. I get universal credit usually about 250 to 450 a month as its cut down because of my wages.

I have no interest in marrying again I'd probably be better off if someone moved in but I don't want to do that.

I feel overwhelming guilt that the kids can't have everything I'd like to give them. we have nice Christmasses but money for holidays is pretty non existent. My cousin lives on a farm in the Lakes and has offered to us to holiday up there which is kind of him.

I do have quite a few hobbies so that helps garden piano reading and cooking. The house itself is nice but there's always something going wrong!

Shortly before he died my husband told me he hadn't got long left and suggested I sell up here and move to Carlisle with my sister but am reluctant to move the kids at this stage plus the thought of all the hassle seems overwhelming.

My GP asked me what support I had and commented I have no support at all. They have recommended I get out more so have joined meet up .

Help this is it isn't it, sorry hope I don't sound too flskey.

I guess you have to weigh up if you think your sister would provide the support to make the move worth while? Are you close? What are the kids opinions? They are older so I think I would take their opinions into consideration. They are old enough to have time alone so you can still to some extent have a life or your own. I would sit down with them and have a talk, ask them to step up a bit more, lastly go easy on yourself it hasn't been that long and you've all been through alot!

Hi thank you for your reply. My sister and Dad's side of the family are all pretty decent so I think have no problem putting us up once we've made it up the M6! Am really reluctant to move them they do well where they are and I suppose it's not forever. I think it's emotional support I need more than practical support.

I have chatted to kids this morning and we agreed that the constant money worries isn't helping and it's also a trigger for relapse so I'm going to look for more or better paid work. However coming on here this morning and talking to them has helped so than you.