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Original poster

Ex doesn't want to be a dad to our unborn baby

18 replies

Babygirlmum · 10/02/2022 23:10

I found out I was pregnant in September I had just a few days before broken up with my ex so I done the right thing and that was to tell him well let's just say he did not take it very well, he said he is not ready to be a dad and that he doesn't want to be a part of the babies life so after going back and forth of texting and him not being very nice about stuff I went ahead and done things alone in regards to hospital appointments scans etc, my ex is quite abit younger than me so he is very influenced by his parents in that time his mum found out through my social media that I was pregnant as he was afraid to tell them so he then told me he needs some time to think after talking to his parents about this situation and he wants to be more involved, I gave him time to think he got back to me a week later and said I've thought about it and ive spoken to my parents and I'm still not ready to be a dad he has been nasty about the whole process ant blamed me like it is my fault and not something we both made together we have since had no contact after quite abit of bitterness towards him he then blocked me off everything we was in no contact for 3 months I got used to the idea and was going ahead on my own he has since unblocked me messaging me telling me he misses me he still loves me and that he can't get over me I have since found out he has slept with someone off tinder to try and get over me but apparently he couldn't, now he's saying he still doesn't want to be a dad after getting back in contact with me I had my guard up the whole time, what is this lad trying to do?? Any suggestions?

OP posts:
3peassuit · 11/02/2022 08:32

I really wouldn’t bother trying to figure out what’s going on in his head. Concentrate on you and the baby. The least he is legally obliged to do is pay maintenance for his child which can be arranged through CMS.

cherryonthecakes · 11/02/2022 10:29

Try and stop giving him headspace.

Block him then once the baby is born send him a text announcing the birth and contact CMS.

It doesn't matter what he's thinking. He's selfish and messing with your brain at the worst time possible.

Good luck

ThanksThanksThanks

overthethamesfromyou · 11/02/2022 10:37

Doesn't really matter that he doesn't want to be a dad - he is going to be one.

Rainbowqueeen · 11/02/2022 10:41

You can’t rely on him.
Focus on yourself and baby. Claim cms but expect nothing else from him.

Build up support from other sources. Best wishes

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 11/02/2022 10:41

Just block and ignore

AnneLovesGilbert · 11/02/2022 10:43

If he’s working then he’ll have to pay maintenance, open a claim as soon as you have your baby.

Unless he’s at the appointment he can’t be on the birth certificate but that doesn’t impact on the financial obligation he has. Shouldn’t need saying but obviously give your baby your last name.

He’s messing you around. The two of you had sex, now you’re pregnant. Don’t waste time trying to work out what he’s thinking, he’s made his feelings clear so just block him and let him know when the baby is here.

It’s a shame, no one wants to start a family like this, but he is who he is and you’ll just have to make the most of it. Hope you’ve got friends and family to support you.

RedCandyApple · 11/02/2022 13:38

@overthethamesfromyou

Doesn't really matter that he doesn't want to be a dad - he is going to be one.
But he can choose not to be involved which sounds like it will be the case.

I have children with my ex and he doesn’t see them at all, just be prepared to raise the child alone.

Figgygal · 11/02/2022 13:40

How old is he exactly?

RedCandyApple · 11/02/2022 13:43

So yes he’s going to be a father but he can opt out of parenting.

OddshoesOddsocks · 11/02/2022 14:14

I was in this position 10 years ago, I completely understand how easy it is to get swept up in it all but please remember that he has shown his true colours.

If I had my time again I would listen to him, he doesn’t want to be a dad so don’t try and force him, it won’t change and it won’t do anyone any good.

Don’t put him on the birth certificate.

Go straight to CMS to put an arrangement in place.

I didn’t do any of these things and now have a 10 year old struggling with MH problems that stem from abandonment issues because she remembers the forced visits to her dad who wasn’t bothered and remembers him coming in and out of her life. We’ve been no contact with him for 6 years now but the damage is done.

You can do this alone and baby will be quite content with that. There will be questions when they’re older but be open and honest.

Good luck Flowers

NerrSnerr · 11/02/2022 14:18

I agree with PP. Once the baby is born go straight to CMS, he'll probably try and talk you out of it if you discuss it with him and he may pay for a short while but then it's probable he'll stop paying. Just do it formally from day 1 so stop any future hassle or financial loss to you.

RedCandyApple · 11/02/2022 14:20

Don’t rely too much on cms, whilst I agree with the posters many men get out of paying or end up paying as little as £7 per week so don’t be too reliant on that

IncompleteSenten · 11/02/2022 14:21

You have a child on the way. I'd forget about this very immature young man and focus on that.

He doesn't want to be a dad, you can't make him and tbh would you want a child raising a child?

But you should make it clear that you will be claiming child support

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 11/02/2022 14:23

I really wouldn’t get back with him, regardless he will financially support the baby- no choice there- and he will need to show consistency to be a co parent.

Sweetpea12 · 12/02/2022 23:19

Been in similar situation my ex told me he couldn’t be a father again then told a family
Member of his he made a mistake and they told me what he said. I was heavily pregnant at the time and all it did was mess with my head at a time I didn’t need it. He had no intentions of trying to be a father so I proudly raise my son alone. The thought terrified me at the start but you just do it you find it in you somehow. On the cms issue my ex lies and says he doesn’t work and also claims benefit (illegally) so I get £7 a week so sometimes it’s not even worth applying

Blossom64265 · 12/02/2022 23:29

Ignore him. You don’t have the time for what sound like the dating antics of a man-child. Once the baby is born, file for cms. If the baby’s birth inspires him to actually get his act together and not to be a horrible human being and abandon his child, set up a reasonable visitation schedule. If it doesn’t, your child is better off without him.

Viviennemary · 12/02/2022 23:34

Sounds like he is very confused indeed. How old is he?

Original poster
Babygirlmum · 13/02/2022 00:00

@Sweetpea12

Been in similar situation my ex told me he couldn’t be a father again then told a family Member of his he made a mistake and they told me what he said. I was heavily pregnant at the time and all it did was mess with my head at a time I didn’t need it. He had no intentions of trying to be a father so I proudly raise my son alone. The thought terrified me at the start but you just do it you find it in you somehow. On the cms issue my ex lies and says he doesn’t work and also claims benefit (illegally) so I get £7 a week so sometimes it’s not even worth applying
It's not the best situation is it, he's a police officer so he basically has no choice but to pay for his child regardless
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