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Lone parents

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Original poster

Can I refuse a DNA test

32 replies

Sister542 · 08/02/2022 19:16

In previous posts, I have explained mine and my ex's relationship.
I have decided to do parenting alone as I feel trying to co-parent is going to bring more trauma to my life and my daughter life. He has already stated we both can not be in her life but has insisted she can live with him and his family instead. (which I won't agree to as I am her mother and no way will I give up my parenting role)

I was looking for some advice. If he takes me to court to get a DNA. Can I refuse to do a DNA test? Also if the courts force me to do a test am I still able to refuse and what will the consequences be for doing so?

I am now at that point I would prefer my daughter has a happy younger life. Then to have confusion and be anxious.

OP posts:

GoodHairDay86 · 08/02/2022 19:19

What are your reasons for not wanting the DNA? Would your daughter in her adult years resent you for not doing 1? Without wanting to sound harsh its all about her and her needs and what is best for her! Co-parenting isn't always easy so you have my sympathy x

Original poster

Sister542 · 08/02/2022 19:22

@GoodHairDay86 the reason why I do not want to do a DNA is that he has said he will put himself on the birth certificate and she can live with him instead. Im scared he is going to not come back with her and I will not see her again.

OP posts:

HollyBollyBooBoo · 08/02/2022 19:22

Why does he want a DNA? Is he suggesting he's not the father but he wants the child to live with him and his family?!

RedCandyApple · 08/02/2022 19:24

Did you ask this before?

cheekychaplin · 08/02/2022 19:25

@HollyBollyBooBoo

Why does he want a DNA? Is he suggesting he's not the father but he wants the child to live with him and his family?!

Surely he wants to prove he is?

IzzyD0ra · 08/02/2022 19:26

I'd be wary about refusing a DNA test, if there are any custody disagreements it might look not reflect well on you.

StillWeRise · 08/02/2022 19:27

if the court orders a DNA test you will have to comply
However men rarely follow up on these threats, it's too much trouble, whereas the threat itself is enough to upset and worry you.
Even if he was proved to be the biological father he would then have to take you to court for access (I presume) again, a lot of bother for him, and I'm guessing he has been abusive to you so you would have a strong case to limit access, especially if your DD is used to loving with you alone.

AlternativePerspective · 08/02/2022 19:27

Two issues.

If he applies for parental responsibility then has a DNA test he will be able to be put on the birth certificate. As hard as it is this isn’t something you’re going to have a choice over, he is her parent, and you won’t be able to refuse a DNA test on that basis.

Secondly,just because he is on the birth certificate doesn’t mean she will automatically live with him, but it will mean that he will be granted access.

It’s really not advisable that you go against the courts here, because the more obstructive you are the more likely it is you will lose her to him.

She has the right to have both her parents on her birth certificate, and she has a right to a relationship with her father, as hard as that is.

mugoftea456 · 08/02/2022 19:27

You will have to do one of the courts rule and he will go on the BC and have PR. Providing he is the father.

You will have to come to an arrangement regarding who the child will live with and contact with the other parents. Neither of you will get 100% of the time. It could be 50:50, or EOW or anything in between.

Original poster

Sister542 · 08/02/2022 19:27

@GoodHairDay86 also in her older years once I've explained my reasons I would hope she would understand. when she's a teenager and if she decides she wants to do one I will 100% support her and she can form her own opinions and relationship with him. However, as a baby and child, I'm just trying to protect her. I have been to support groups on abuse and for now, I think it's best for me to stay away from him.

OP posts:

MrsBertBibby · 08/02/2022 19:28

Why do you think you won't see her again?

I have not read your previous threads.

mugoftea456 · 08/02/2022 19:29

Is there safeguarding reasons to prevent her father having contact ?

WorriedGiraffe · 08/02/2022 19:30

Do you actually no if he’s the father? Because if so she wouldn’t need to do a DNA test as a teenager anyway would she?

I think if he makes the effort to go to court for a DNA test it would reflect very badly on you to refuse. And even if he isn’t a nice person, he’s still her father and it’s right that he should have the right to apply to court for access. Just ensure it all goes through the courts then you’ve got evidence of everything.

Original poster

Sister542 · 08/02/2022 19:33

@mugoftea456 there are safeguarding reasons. I have been advised by aurora new dawn to just not contact him. However, I'm still scared he's going to take me to court even if I do not contact him

OP posts:

MrsBertBibby · 08/02/2022 19:39

Well it seems you will just have to wait and see.

Even if he is able to get a DNA test and put his name on the birth certificate, by the way, that won't give him parental responsibility. He would have to make a separate PR application to the court.

If he does apply, you should be able to get legal aid. Until then, listen to your support worker and try not to worry.

mugoftea456 · 08/02/2022 19:39

[quote Sister542]@mugoftea456 there are safeguarding reasons. I have been advised by aurora new dawn to just not contact him. However, I'm still scared he's going to take me to court even if I do not contact him[/quote]
Please be cautious of taking their advice of simply ignoring him.

He can take you to court for access. It doesn't mean he would win or loose. But he absolutely could.

I think a lot of these charities really do have the best of intentions, but you cannot just ignore him as a father. If you have genuine safeguarding concerns that it would be detrimental to your child to have contact with him, then you need to go about this the right way.

The last thing you want in court is to look like you have been unreasonable and he could easily turn it round as parental alienation.

I would get proper legal advice/SS advice/ cafcass advice etc.

Wishing you and DC all the best.

Original poster

Sister542 · 08/02/2022 19:45

I understand ideally she should have a relationship with both parents. When I was in contact with him I tried to reach agreements but he said as we are not together we can not both be in her life ( which I disagreed with). he then went on to say he will get a DNA for parental rights for her to live with him full time instead
That is the reason why I do not want to do a DNA. Hope this makes more sense

OP posts:

MrsBertBibby · 08/02/2022 19:46

I'm a family solicitor.

If the DA advisers say don't contact him, don't contact him.

They aren't idiots, and from the sound of it, the only way contact should happen should be through court.

MrsBertBibby · 08/02/2022 19:48

OP, him getting proof he is the father will not give him PR. It isn't a reason to refuse a test. But if you both know he is the father, there is no point. If he wants PR he must apply to the Court.

MajorCarolDanvers · 08/02/2022 19:53

If he is the father he can petition court to be added to the birth certificate and gain parental rights.

If you dispute his parentage then court can order a DNA test to determine that. If you refused to comply with a court order you could be fined or imprisoned and court can authorise the test to be carried out.

Being on the birth certificate and having parental rights doesn't automatically mean he would get contact if there are safeguarding concerns. And if there are safeguarding concerns then its extremely unlikely that he would be granted resident parent.

Much of what he is doing is trying to threaten you. As you have said there are safeguarding concerns the best thing you can do is contact social services for support and get legal advice.

Haffdonga · 08/02/2022 20:12

he then went on to say he will get a DNA for parental rights for her to live with him full time instead

This is the bit that is wrong.

You don't have to put him on the birth certificate but he CAN then go to court and get a court ordered DNA. If he is the father he can go on the birth certificate and have parental responsibility. But this doesn't mean he can decide to have her live with him full time. It just doesn't work like that.

He'd have to go back to court for access and IF does, the court would decide an agreement of how you would both share the care. If you've coped as full time parent of your dd up to that point then the court would not ever give him full time care instead of you. If you have evidence of his abuse then he'll have even less chance.

But wait for him to spend all that money to take it to court before you need to even think about it.

newbiename · 08/02/2022 20:59

@Sister542

I understand ideally she should have a relationship with both parents. When I was in contact with him I tried to reach agreements but he said as we are not together we can not both be in her life ( which I disagreed with). he then went on to say he will get a DNA for parental rights for her to live with him full time instead That is the reason why I do not want to do a DNA. Hope this makes more sense

It won't happen. Try not to worry about that aspect.

SnozPoz · 08/02/2022 21:14

"the reason why I do not want to do a DNA is that he has said he will put himself on the birth certificate and she can live with him instead. Im scared he is going to not come back with her and I will not see her again."

Pretty certain people can't be added to the birth certificate after it's been created. I'm presuming you mean you don't want your child to have a DNA test?

SnozPoz · 08/02/2022 21:20

Apologies I have just seen that he can apply for his name to be added... learn something new every day!

Fundays12 · 08/02/2022 21:48

He can go to court and demand a DNA test which most judges will grant. This does not mean he will get custody of your daughter. It does mean he can go on her birth certificate and have a right to apply for access to her.

If there has been abuse against you do you have evidence? Or do you have evidence he is a safeguarding risk or she is at risk of him not returning her to you? If so once the DNA test proves he is her father get a residency order placed which allows the police to intervene if he tries to take her or doesn't return her to you after contact. Secondly I strongly advise you agree to contact once the residency order is in place but request supervised contact centre contact only. This means all contact us documented by a supervised contact specialist and all reports sent back to court. He cannot remove her from the contact session and is monitored by staff at all times. Ask for as many of these sessions as you need. You may not want your daughter to have contact with her father and may have good reason not to want it but the court can and often do enforce contact orders. If you break these contact orders you can be held in contempt of court. He can also accuse you of parental alienation if you try to deny access so of he pursues contact get yourself a solicitor and request he has for supervised access only.

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