Ex moving abroad - what do I need to do?

[isobellini]

My ex announced at the weekend that in April he's moving to the USA with work. Has anyone experienced similar?

We technically have shared parental responsibility for our five year old son, but the reality is that I already do all the decision-making (and he currently only sees our son one or two nights a month - entirely his choice to not do more). However, he pays maintenance every month reliably (plus his employer is UK based) and he has reassured me that won't stop. But he has no intention of coming home to visit our son so, at the same time as continuing paying, it is clear this is effectively emotional and physical abandonment.

So in light of this I also feel like I need to be able to make all legal, medical, travel and parental decisions solo (which, de facto, I have been anyway, but there are situations where it could be problematic not to be able to). Whilst I don't think applying for full parental responsibility will be granted, or is necessary, how do I handle it? Would having this in a signed/notarized letter from him be enough, or in any way legally binding?

Also if anyone else has experience of this and any advice on helping children understand abandonment, I'd be mega-grateful. I've reached out to a child psychologist friend for advice too. Just desperate for my sweet little boy (who worships his hopeless dad of course) not to blame himself, or me frankly, for his father's complete departure from his life

Is your ex likely to agree to weekly video calls?

Is he going to talk to his son before he goes? It's really his job to answer all questions and explain himself.

I've not needed my ex's permission for medical or schooling but it might be a good idea to get a permission to travel alone with child letter so that you can travel abroad if you need to.

I'm very sorry that he is leaving your son like this

@Solasum

Is your ex likely to agree to weekly video calls?

Sadly, I don't think he will. I always say to my son that we can call his dad whenever he wants (as long as it's not in the hour before bedtime as it sometimes makes him really upset). But his dad usually doesn't answer, and doesn't ever try to see or hear from him between his visits. My ex forgot to call on Christmas Day. So expecting he would make the effort on a weekly basis just seems unlikely. Basically he doesn't want to be a dad, but accepts he is one so has to pay maintenance. But I don't think he's bothered by the rest of parenting.

I agree with getting something so you can travel but tbh maybe a cao would be best rather than anything written from him? As it’s my understanding that it needs to be detailed each time on where you’re planning to go dates etc can’t just be a generic one so I would look into getting a cao so you don’t need his permission to travel, but everything else I’ve never needed permission from my ex for school or medical stuff and my ex lives in the same city as me but doesn’t want to see our children so 🤷‍♀️

www.gov.uk/looking-after-children-divorce/types-of-court-order

@isobellini I am so sorry. What a stupid man. BUT I guess if he disappears now, at least you know exactly where you stand.

I would prepare myself financially losing maintenance.

Sadly i doubt you will hear much more from him.

I think you need to be working out how to survive without maintenance. Once he is in the USA your son will be out of sight, out of mind. I'm so sorry for you both x