Motherhood getting me down.

[bexxboo]

Does motherhood just get you down a lot?

I LOVE my DD so much it hurts, but I don't love being a mother.

I'm on my own with her everyday. I've had to take her out of nursery for the past 2 weeks due to covid in the setting.

Everyday just feels so utterly dull as she looks to me to entertain her 24/7.

I struggle to be a good mum and still have all the other thing to do; housework, washing, bills, more housework, etc.

I feel like there needs to be 2 of me. I get so irritated toward the end of the day and become desperate for adult company. I get snappy and I hate myself for it.

I sit and do sticker books with her for hours, we bake, we go to the park, I try but it never seems enough and she gets bored so quickly. I feel so bloody brain dead that I always listen to audiobooks when I can to give my mind some stimulation.

Every couple of weeks she might stay away for one night (her dads or grandads) and it never seems like enough rest time. All i do when I don't have her is sleep!!!

I'm on medication for depression and insomnia, the insomnia tablets are working and I'm sleeping again but anti depressants don't seem to have had any effect. I've been on them for 5 years.

Advice is welcome!

Oh gosh that sounds so tough! It sounds like you have quite high standards for parenting though (mine may be just low) but sounds very intense. Could you reduce the time playing, say do a half hour then leave her to it for half hour or bring her out and tire her out but then let her watch cartoons for a while. Sounds like you are doing a wonderful job though.

I think most single parent feel the same, I often feel like there needs to be another person here, my kids don’t see their dad so I don’t get any time off at all. Very exhausting

I think I’d try to get out as much as possible. Trips to the library, trips to a cafe if you can afford it. Do you have a car? Could you make a game of finding new parks and visit a different one every day. Go to the swimming pool, visit free museums. If you are with her every day there must be loads of cheap or free things you can take advantage of.

If you don’t have a car, use the bus to get to places - make that into a game too.

Hi op, first you sound like a lovely, attentive mum.
Can you get out to groups? Join single parent organisations such as gingerbread. This is a huge struggle on your own & no wonder you feel so flat.

You need to build community around you. Find other lone parents to share meal times with. Get out daily & go to groups & activities/ playgroups where you can talk to others & have a cuppa.

Maybe eventually even consider moving in with another single parent family if that's viable?

I don't know if you feel like this just due to covid, or if this is typical for you. Lone parenting is incredibly tough you certainly aren't alone in feeling this way.

Aww bless you. It’s relentless isn’t it? I can only advise that you try not to put so much pressure on yourself. It sounds like you do a lot with your dc and should be bloody proud of yourself for it! I’m on my own with mine and like you, when I very occasionally get a night off when he goes to my mums I just sleep! You are a not good at motherhood, you are amazing at it!! I don’t think i could sit doing sticker books for hours then have the energy for outdoor activities too! Your daughter loves you. You are doing an amazing job and it WILL get easier! The bond you are creating now will only grow and you will look back at these days in the future and give yourself a massive pat on the back! I also suffer with depression and some days I crave just being alone/laying in bed but my ds keeps me going (often from 5am 🙄). You’re doing a fantastic job and your daughter knows this !

You do sound like a lovely attentive mum that is giving her daughter the gift of lots of quality time. You need to congratulate yourself for this, particularly since you are feeling depressed.

I think that one message that society tends to send women is that looking after younger children is the equivalent of being brain dead/boring/unstimulating, while work is stimulating/exciting/rewarding (and this is not a work vs SAHM post).

While I do understand (and truly I do as I have 4 children) that day to day life can be routine and mundane, I think having negative connotations in regards brain stimulation when looking after young children can often make women feel worse, and make them feel like they are doing something that is not worthwhile or valuable, which couldn't be further from the truth.

In reality, everything is slightly mundane after a while, but having such a lovely relationship with your daughter is so valuable and you will be able to look back on this time with real pride.

You say that you don't think the depression medication is working - have you reviewed your medication with your GP?

Have you had any access to any counselling? CBT can be wonderful for turning around negative thoughts and there are also many free apps available online.

Thank you all so much for you lovely responses 😭

I am due a review today to move from SSRI to SNRI.

I have had counselling but think it may be worth another go.

I get very low as this wasn't the plan when she was born, her father was very mentally abusive towards me, he made horrific choices that meant me and DD suffered. I eventually moved to a friends sofa, then got my flat to make us safe and secure.

Since him and having DD I am not the same outgoing fun loud person I was 5 years ago. I thought finishing things with him would be my light at the end of the tunnel. But only after did the anxiety, depression, PTSD, insomnia, self hatred sink in.

I do look at other women and think why are you having another child?!? Don't do it!! But then I realise that each experience is unique and they normally have a supportive partner by their side.

I have no emotional support at all, some days I even wonder if I'm mentally stable enough to be responsible for a child 😂😭

Don't even get me started on energy levels, there are NONE. Like I said in my original post, when she is in the care of someone else I shut my curtains, read, eat, sleep, practice yoga. I don't have any desire for social interaction as I find it completely drains me these days. Pubs and clubs are a no go, and I can't remember the last time I went for dinner. (Morrisons breakfast doesn't count)

I practice a lot of self care, but the selfish part of me thinks but what about me? I need someone to hug me and listen to me whinge about everything, make me a cup of tea or just take the pressure off motherhood even 5%.

Xx

I know how you feel - my ex was also abusive and mentally ill, he moved out 18 months ago and looks after the DC for a couple of hours on Saturdays. Otherwise it’s just me. They are both school age but one is at home after a covid test. I have been working from home since lockdown started and my only interaction with other adults is work colleagues on a screen. I have had sleeping tablets for the last year on and off but my gp has switched me to anti depressants. I am desperate to go back to work a few days but it keeps being postponed for various reasons and I just feel I can’t do my job properly or look after the family properly and it’s just relentless

Do you have a local Home Start? You can self refer, and they would be able to help with a volunteer who will come and listen to you, play with DD and let you offload a bit?