How long after he left did he start missing his children?

[milkmonster]

He left on Boxing Day and hasn't contacted me since.

Do you think this is a sign of future tendencies, in that he must not miss his 8 month old baby if he hasn't even sent a text to ask how she's doing these past few days?

He absolutely loves her.
He spends most of his day on the PC, not working, just buying and playing. He's pretty self-absorbed and rarely spent time playing with her, perhaps a few times a day. He was no support at all with the practical side of looking after a baby.

Is this what some dads are like when they leave - not bothered to ask if the baby's ok, missing him, when can he see her next,etc?

Yes, I think this is what some Dads are like. I also think it is how some Dads react when they leave. My ex did the same. Barely had anything to do with DS for months and, when he did, it was him lying on the sofa while DS sat on the floor and played or wandered around crying for me.

I don't think it is necessarily indicative of how he will always be.

The early days/ weeks are very hard for everyone. How are you coping? How is your DD?

yes my xp was very like yours, always on pc and not much support.
now only visits ds 2 or 3 times a week for not much more than half an hour at a time.

just after we moved out i asked if he missed ds and his reply was "i do and i dont" think what he meant was he missed the odd cuddle and tickle but not the crying and being awake at night!
some, not all, men seem to find it easier to be apart from their children which is something i cant really understand

the way i see it is you dont miss the support you never had, hugs for you and im sure you'll both do just fine!

yesa pretty much - when we first split I spoke to H that weekend then in 5 weeks he saw DS for 4 afternoons (when I brought DS back) and spoke to him on the phone about 4 times. really not enough.

now 4 months on we have nothing set in stone at the mo - but we're working roughtly every other weekend H comes to my house and stays the night while I go to mums (H doesn't have a house as such) and he comes over of a night prob 2-3 times a week for 45 mins if DS is really lucky

I think for H it was easier for him to be alone and deal with things on his own - didn't bloody help me thou idiot.

how are you guys doing thou?

I don't know but, perhaps he has been very busy trying to sort things out? or dealing with the hungover of it?

Exh was a bit distant, but he was overwhelmed with so much stuff to do (from finding a house to finding his feet again).
Things are different when they can communicate with their children too, I think during the first days exH didn't really wanted to talk to me (or me to him!) so passing the phone to DS was good enough for both, but obciously, you will not be able to do that for a while.

May I suggest a book?, it has helped us a lot.

It is called "Putting Children First, a manual for separated parents".

My ex left in April and is absolutely distraught at not seeing his ds and his stepdaughter (my dd from previous relshp), he has them at his every Fri night til Sun night, plus phones every day in the week.
He has another baby on the way (with new gf)but always puts our dc first.
He is so upset to be without them, i would say he is veering on obsessive..

Over xmas holidays i only had them for xmas day, and they are coming back tomorrow, i havent seen them for days!

My xh has seen my dds about 7 times since he left over 3 months ago and he's phoned a couple of times. I have been as helpful as possible when he's requested to see them cos i don't want them to miss out, but i hate how unconcerned about them he is. He hasn't once asked me how they are.

My xp only sees our DD when hes not busy with his gf (the OW untill i found out)

He saw DD once last week and he cam today for an hour.

Hes not to bothered i don`t think.

Im also 6 months pregnant with his LO and he never asks if LO is ok, ive got a midwife appointment next week and he never even asked to come

Oh well his loss isn`t it!

When I split with exdp the only times he wanted to see his children were when he was bored or he thought I was having fun.
Even now, 2years later, he doesn't bother unless it's a family event that he can take them along to and show them off at.

Some men just aren't great at being parents when they aren't in the family home, but tbh I kind of guessed it would eb like this as he never really bothered with them when he was with me still.