Affects of uninvolved parent

[Arbell09]

Hi, I’m looking for some advice please 🙏🏼. My 3 year old daughters Dad is totally uninvolved - he hasn’t seen her since she was a young baby which is entirely his own choice - he’s just totally disinterested in her and doesn’t want to be involved. She wouldn’t know who he was if she passed him in the street, has absolutely no contact with him and has never had a ‘dad’ figure in her life. She has recently started to talk about her Dad and make up stories about her Dad… for example in a shop she will say ‘my dad likes those’ or today was ‘my dad had a birthday party and got lots of presents’ - it’s all made up stories and I think it’s possibly because she’s hearing other children in school talk about their Dad and she is aware of what’s missing and trying to fit in in a way. I tend to brush over it when she will say things and just say things like ‘oh really’ but it’s now getting more frequent, several times a day she will out of nowhere come out with a made up story about her Dad. She’s never asked any questions about her Dad before, she’s never asked where her dad is or why she doesn’t have one etc and I’ve never mentioned anything to her as she is so young. She is just making up these stories and I’m not sure how I should be handling it? Should I just go along with it? I would greatly appreciate any advice 😊.

Have you read any books about different families? There are quite a few out there that show how different families are made up such as single parents, same sex as in two mums or two dads, families with grandparents for parents and fostering etc so id get one of those and read it together and point out how everyone has a different family etc. x

I should add they are aimed at toddlers with colourful pictures and talking points so she should enjoy the book, there’s even one about a penguin child but I can’t remember the name of it if you wanted something more cute x

I am so sorry for your daughter and you.
Unfortunately, my situation is the complete opposite as ex tries to destroy the relationship between the children and I. I so wish that she was more like you. I wonder whether you could contact the Dad to say your daughter is saying these things and that you are not sure what to tell her. He might then become more interested? Has the dad got family who would like to see your daughter?

I would start telling her things you can. This may be her way of asking for stories she can talk about.

Be very clear that he's not involved because of him and not her, it's something you'll need to keep outlining but there's no reason she couldn't know things like music he likes or favorite food or colour etc.

We were alone from when my DS was 6 months old. I know when he was younger he wanted his DF but that waste of oxygen refused.

Instead he had lots of make role models including his DGF, male friends of mine and his friends dads. I explained in age appropriate terms and always said if he wanted to find him we would. I gave him his DFs address when he asked for it but I dont think he bothered. Now he actively does not want to know him.

I think people assume that DC pine for the parent that isnt there. And blame the parent who stayed.

It is so hard.