Maintenance and access

[rickman]

Message withdrawn

very very difficult one there rickman. Why doesnt he pay maintenance? Does he want to see the children? Do you want him to see the children? Do the children want to see him?

not paying maintenance doesnt mean he isnt allowed to see his children, but you can apply to CSA so he has to pay maintenance, although they're suppose to take ages.

I don't think maintenance has anything to do with seeing the children. Seeing his children isn't a reward for paying maintenance, or even for being a good father, it's your children's right to see him (with the caveat that it's a right from which they'll benefit - I personally don't think it's a child's right to go and be abused or neglected by an uncaring adult).

Having said that, it's your right to expect some support from the father of your children, whether he sees them or not.

And it's also their right to expect that he supports them.

Message withdrawn

Yep, it does seem unfair. It must be an acrimonious split (aren't they all?) but hopefully he will see sense especially if he realises it's the children who suffer. How long has this been going on (sorry v personal just so used to being open here because it's so anonymous)

Can you persuade ex p to make some direct payments? Such as electricity bill or other. I'm fairly sure that if he pays the supplier directly, these are not counted as maintenance and therefore will not affect your entitlement to income support.

Ask him why he feels he has to reduce his payments by 2/3rds? How does he think you are going to manage? What will his children think of him in the future? Does he really think that, by doing this, his children are going to benefit?

If you can guilt-trip him enough, he may be prepared to settle bills directly for you.

Ive tried the guilt trip before on exp. It worked and he was offering to pay my car insurance. HOWEVER I dont trust exp enough to believe he will keep his word, and not stop paying me if something comes up that he doesnt like. Do you think you would trust exp enough to ensure he will keep giving you payments if you did manage to twist his arm?

It seems unfair because it is unfair.

Men spout a lot about how much they love their kids, but when it comes to money, so many absent fathers put their desires before the needs of their children. And then bleat about how they want 50 50 custody. Wankers.

Sorry, no practical help to you, but that's the way the world is at the moment.

My only advice is to try to concentrate on your relationship with your children and to try to rise above the creep who is your ex. Easier said than done, I know.

Message withdrawn

Can you get on to his mother? That's sometimes the most effective way. They're either hell-dames or very good at making their son's feel guilty, because they don't want their grandchildren to suffer and they don't want to feel their son is a shit (reflects badly on them).

Message withdrawn

Just realised who u r rickman. Wish I could suggest something for you. Will have a think but Im not sure if there is anything you can do. Hope someone else can think of something for you xxxxxx

Message withdrawn

Why don't you take him to court. Sounds to me like you would probably be eligible for legal aid, which he wouldn't be elligible for. You might scare him into paying a little more.

Message withdrawn

this may be of help to you rickman re going to court about maintenance

That appears to be a South African site, so is probably not very relevant. It sounds like the system which existed here prior to the establishment of the CSA. I don't think applying to the magistrates' court is an available option nowadays - sadly, as it was a bloomin' sight more effective than the cr*p CSA.

ah sorry, didnt realise lol