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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Original poster

What to do

10 replies

shoeshshoes · 22/01/2022 16:57

Bit of background.. I got pregnant with my ds during a short relationship (we were together about 6 months). He wanted me to have an abortion and I just couldn't go through with it. He walked away and I decided to go ahead with the pregnancy knowing he will probably never be involved.

Fast forward 5 years, he hasn't had much contact with ds. In the beginning it was pretty regular but that stopped completely 2 years ago. We have no arrangement with money but he had always been pretty good when I have needed things (clothes for ds ect). He has now decided he doesn't even want to do that.

Is it worth chasing him for money (cams ect) or would other people just walk away as he didn't want a child in the first place? Sounds crazy but I can still see it from his point of view.

OP posts:
RedCandyApple · 22/01/2022 16:59

It’s really up to you, I don’t claim maintenance as my ex has nothing to do with our children so I don’t want to claim anything from him, but it sounds like you do want maintenance so contact cms and let them deal with it.

unicornsarereal72 · 22/01/2022 18:10

It isn't an option to support your children. Nrp who dont should have it deducted like tax.

CMS are rubbish. If ex is working the they can contact him and ask him to pay directly or they can set up a deductions of earnings.

If it's not needed save for your sons future.

If he chooses not to play an active part in your sons life that is on him not you.

Get on the phone Monday and start the process why should you be the only parent having to compromise and provide for your son.

3peassuit · 23/01/2022 11:55

Claim maintenance. Why should your child be deprived of what you are entitled to?

Original poster
shoeshshoes · 25/01/2022 07:39

Does anyone know if cms take the paying parents bills into account? For example, if they are renting a place that they can't really afford and they are being left with little free cash at the end of the month?

OP posts:
unicornsarereal72 · 25/01/2022 07:52

Nope. It is 12% of his wages before tax and NI. But after pensions. Then it is a sliding scale depending on if he has the child over night.

  • 12% for one child
Original poster
shoeshshoes · 25/01/2022 12:02

@unicornsarereal72 thank you! I don't know too much about it but seem to read a lot of people complaining about how bad cms is?

OP posts:
unicornsarereal72 · 25/01/2022 12:30

The CMS isn't fit for purpose but it is all we have. You will need as much information as possible. Ex full name. Address date of birth employer and NI number if possible.

They will search for him on HMRC. And ask him to pay directly to you. If he does not pay then you can ask for a deduction of earnings. They will approach his employer and make a deduction directly from his wages. He will have to pay an additional 20% of the amount he is to pay to the Cms and you will loss 4% of your amount for this process to be used.

It gets difficult when people are self employed. Set themselves up as a limited company etc. Then there is little paper trail for the Cms to follow. My ex has done this various self employed short term contracts. Has moved several times and changed his phone number. My arrears are now at nearly £20k. Why they just don't take the money from his account I've no idea. Because he would soon be on the phone to them then

As I said it is all we have so have to have faith in the process

Phone them today and get the ball rolling It can't be backed dated and you need to pay £20 to open a case.

Original poster
shoeshshoes · 25/01/2022 12:48

The only thing holding me back is the fact that he didn't want a child and I went through with the pregnancy knowing it. Seems wrong to then force someone to pay for a child they didn't want!

OP posts:
unicornsarereal72 · 25/01/2022 12:53

I do not know the details of your situation but if he didn't want children he should of been more proactive about it (me making massive assumptions there). A child was made and is here. And he should be provided for by both parents. Why should you struggle and your son be deprived because his father takes no responsibility for his actions.

Mumoftwoinprimary · 25/01/2022 12:59

@shoeshshoes

The only thing holding me back is the fact that he didn't want a child and I went through with the pregnancy knowing it. Seems wrong to then force someone to pay for a child they didn't want!
Did he choose to have sex in a country where women get to choose whether a baby is aborted if conceived?

If yes - then he can hardly be surprised that he didn’t get to choose whether you had a termination. And yet he still chose to have sex….

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