Sorry this is a bit long but I just want to pour it all out really. This is the third Xmas since I split from dd's Dad. I used to love Christmas when we were happy, but the last one we had when still together was grim-we spent it with all his family who I love, but he was so preoccupied he did not speak all day- we split up two weeks later. First year for Christmas I took dd away to visit old school friends of mine, last year was just me and her. Ex prefers Xmas overseas so he went off skiing both times.
This year she says "it's not that I do not love you mummy but I haven't seen Daddy for two Christmases".So now they are away in Austria, s'posed to be skiiing but she doesn't like it, and she is worried she is going to have another period (just started and feels too young/embarrased). And I am sitting here with her favourite soft toy on my Knee and trying not to cry. I miss her so much, and all the little Christmas rituals like stockings, and story have always been my job, not his. Just want to be able to creep into her bedroom with the stocking, brush the hair off her face, and I can't cos she's not here.