Feel desperate

[Solow3]

Don’t know what to do or how to carry on
Three kids entirely on my own under 9

Endless fighting
Nobody goes to bed, gets up , eats their meals properly, helps out
Don’t do their homework
Bullied for treats and crap relentlessly
I am trying to go back to work but don’t even get three hours of sleep a night
No money
Nobody to take them for a couple of nights to give me a break

I have to go nuclear to get their attention and it’s taking a massive toll on my mental and physical health

If I could leave and had the money too I’d leave. They’ve made me feel like a shell and I hate the way they make me feel and the person I’ve become

I love them so much and have been through so much for them but love isn’t enough is it.
Sorry Im taking nonsense but have nobody to tell it to. If one more yummy mummy tells me they don’t know how I do I whilst I stand at school in tatty dirty clothes, frizzy hair and massive under eye shadows I will scream

In sorry you are struggling. I had one of those days yesterday where I'm so sick of the whole mental load being my responsibility. I just wanted to sit down and cry.

I'm sure you are doing an amazing job. Sometimes we have to lower our expectations.

During in lock down I unclench about screens. My well being was more important. And although I know they have too much it's a price I'm prepared to pay to have some peace.

After teatime is done and cleared away. My kids have hour screens in their room. (Separate from each other). Weekend morning screens until 9ish. I do not get disturbed unless there is a fire or a limb missing. My door is open and I'm watching/listening but i stay in bed

Mine are older so it is easier but this started in lock down 2 years ago. So they were 12/7

Homework. Speak to school. Do they do a homework club. Can it be done in school?

Bad behaviour. I'm sure you have done all this but I found hard cash for mine to stay in bed/ behave. 20p. 50p. Etc. It is a lot to them. Or pasta pieces. 10 = £1.

Are you claiming the right benefits. Have you had the winter fuel allowance £140. Are you on a prepaid meter you can get top up vouchers of £49 from the food bank.

Utilise food pantries. And food banks to make your money go further. Can you sell things on local selling pages.

Do you have family or friends who you can have cuppa and chat too? Sometimes just off loading really helps

Do you still have a health visitor involved? Or the school nurse. Ask them about support available locally

This will pass as they become more independent hang in there.

I hear you, especially at the end of a long Xmas holiday when there is no break from the kids. It can be miserable. Maybe now term has started back you can find a bit more headspace? Do something for you? Hang in there x

I agree with @unicornsarereal72 - 1. I'm sure you are doing an amazing job. 2. Sometimes we have to lower our expectations.

I think that sometimes when we think the kids are feral and this parenting thing is all going south, this is actually a time when we are doing our toughest work - enforcing rules and the like, which is very hard but by being consistent it will pay off. As echoed from above - Hang in there. I think we all need a cheer to keep going, so coming on here is great. Do you have some support in real life?

And I also think that being a good enough parent is OK. Do whatever you can that makes life easier - make them do housework for treats/money, praise them as if your life depends on it (it makes a difference to their behaviour), easy, simple meals. As advised above, maybe up the screen time a little if you really need a break - in the greater scheme of things, it won't matter if they have a little extra screen time, as long as their mum isn't frazzled.

Consider some out of the box ideas to make some more money - for instance do you have any skills that you could advertise on fiverr - perhaps something creative like designing?