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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

feel guilty that i cant buy my kids the presents they deserve

23 replies

AMAZINWOMAN · 23/12/2007 15:30

I wrapped the presents up yesterday, and just cried and cried. I feel really bad that my kids dont get much, and theyre not getting what they want. I know they will be diasppointed and it makes me sad thinking about it.

I dont even see my family over Xmas, and their Dad is dead, so I am the only person who buys them presents.

I hate money.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

MarsyChristmas · 23/12/2007 15:32

The fact that you've given them gifts is enough. The fact that you love them is enough!

It's not about WHAT is given... it is about the fact that YOU LOVE THEM!

Your children love you and you love them. More important than anything!

PirateInaPeartree · 23/12/2007 15:33

i am sorry amazin, that you felt so upset.

I am not sure how to make you feel better, but I do hope you have some happiness on xmas day.
x

PirateInaPeartree · 23/12/2007 15:34

yeah, tbh I have been lucky enough to get presents for my dd, and have had soem sent thru.
Yet I know that all my dd wants the most is love from mummy.

toomanysleighs · 23/12/2007 15:35

Absolutely (agreeing with Mars). You sound like you have had tough times, but you are still there for your kids. We do live in crazy materialistic times and it IS tough - but those things ultimately don't make people happy. LOVE does. You sound like a brilliant mother. I hope you have a happy Christmas.

Elasticwoman · 23/12/2007 15:51

Every Christmas I worry that our children will not have enough presents from Santa in their sacks, and after every Christmas I realise they've had far too much of everything.

Are you estranged from your own family, or are they dead/out of reach too?

You can still make Christmas special by little details, wrapping things up, party hats etc. I recommend avoiding tv except for things they really want to watch,so that you don't have to see ads for all those things you can't afford, and playing games together instead, or doing anything as a family that you like doing.

jellyjelly · 23/12/2007 15:56

i felt the same too until i told my son that santa will just be bringing a few presents and i felt better as soon as he knew as he kept asking for things. He has stopped now as he know that we are not well off.

Have you thought about things you can do like coupons to go to the park whenever they like/feed the ducks whatever they like.

ladylush · 23/12/2007 16:02

As the child of a lone parent, just wanted to say that xmas was always very special. My mum didn't have much money so she couldn't buy us much but she was very enthusiastic about Christmas and it was a time we all enjoyed being together. Please don't feel sad. Mars is right - the thing they need most is your love. They won't want you to be sad.

CountessDraculaboredofxmasname · 23/12/2007 16:06

oh no
were you not included in the mn xmas appeal this year?

MeMySonAndI · 23/12/2007 16:11

I don't know if this will help, one of my friends's parentsdivorced when she was a child, she said that the first Christmas they were so poor they didn't have money for a Christmas tree forget about for gifts. Then she said that on Christams eve, the mother found a way to hang up their toys from a tree in the garden. They spend the afternoon hanging them on it and... she says that is her best Christmas memory (which should be as she can't stop smilign when telling you about it!).

Try to make something special, it doesn't have to be expensive, just something different for them to enjoy.

I really don't know how old are your children but anything will do.

Good luck.

wotz · 23/12/2007 16:19

Please don't be upset

They will love the gifts.

Its about having a good time - I expect they can't remember what they got last year, so don't beat yourself up about it.

Do something nice with them, read to them (not sure their ages). Don't be sad.

MeMySonAndI · 23/12/2007 16:20

How old are they Amazinwoman?

Original poster

AMAZINWOMAN · 23/12/2007 17:17

they are 10 and 12, and are great kids. My eldest wants an xbox, which i haven't been able to buy. they havnt really got a big present this year

i will make Christmas nice for them, and there is a lot of love in our family. i hug them every single day, and tell them daily that i love them to bits

I have warned them that they wont get as much this year-but I know that their friends will get a lot. their friends are lovely, but they are from rich backgrounds.

i would love to be able to spoil them more. they are great kids and i love seeing them happy.

OP posts:

wotz · 23/12/2007 17:43

Amazin - I lost my dad when I was 12 and I certainly wouldn't have wanted my mum to worry about a thing as we had no money for many years. I was pleased to be able to stay in our home.

I am sure they know that you provide most of the things at the age they your dcs are, they can play with their mates Xbox's - don't feel bad you don't have to make up for anything material, give them the love and support they need at this difficult time of year. Ask them what special thing they would like to do over Christmas (movie, walk, local swimming pool) and see if you can all go as a treat together.

My dad died in early Jan and every year as a child I was just thankful to have a loving and caring mother at the end of the day. They are lucky to have you.

mistletoemiggins · 23/12/2007 20:30

I felt like this - I have bought each of my children 1 present each - I have had people surprised I havent bought mroe BUT I cant afford to buy more & wont get myself into debt

they will have plenty from my family & I dont think they will notice

I have already explained to DS(5) that I dont have lots of money & he seems happy with this

its about love not money - it really is true

wrinklytum · 23/12/2007 20:37

Can only reiterate what others have said.I haven't spent much on mine,about £20 each on main pressie,then lots of little stocking fillers.This year dp has been in hospital for a long time so we can't afford much.

I bet your dcs will still have a fantastic day,and most importantly,a very lovely mum xxx

yogimum · 23/12/2007 21:16

I worked for a very wealthy family who didn't spend loads of money on their kids at christmas. I know money gives you that choice but I think kids should not be given everything they want and to know how to value what they have. You are giving your children something that is priceless and that is your love and they will appreciate that more than anything. Have a lovely christmas.

ladylush · 23/12/2007 22:35

Another idea is to look at ebay after xmas when xbox might get sold at v reasonable price.

dgeorgea · 24/12/2007 07:23

Amazinwoman,

This can be a very stressful time, especially when there is little money. However despite all the heartache and stress to get the few presents we can afford they are transient. Most peoples memories of childhood christmas rarely centre on what they got but are centred around experiences and festive rituals.

Our daughter was born on Christmas Eve, so this year we have had to tell her that she won't be getting anything from us for her birthday or Christmas. Yes she was dissapointed at first, but explained to her we struggle to pay for luxuries for her all year round, if we dropped these then we could afford to pay for a few presents. She decided her pocketmoney and being able to listen to her music on tv were far more important to her personally. Of course we will make sure we do things together as a family to mark the ocassion.

ladylush · 24/12/2007 10:32

I agree with that last post. I don't think the good memories are centred around the gifts we give or receive.

coldtits · 24/12/2007 10:34

My best memory of Christmas (and I got some doozy presents, so was not Oliver Twist) was when I got to help with Christmas dinner when I was fairly young, and everyone told me what a lovely dinner I have cooked. Also when I got a letter from Santa with real soot on it, and the carrots had been really eaten.

themulledsnowmanneredjanitor · 24/12/2007 11:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

themulledsnowmanneredjanitor · 24/12/2007 11:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

dgeorgea · 25/12/2007 00:37

Just to give an update, my mum bless her sent DD two cards with money inside them. So DD spent most of the day shopping in Tottenham Court Road (CD) and Camden (clothes) making the £30 stretch much further then we would have. Even enjoyed haggling with a couple of shop owners to get a better bargain! The last shop she went in she had 55p left and was interested in some small badges (50p each) and asked if she could have two for 55p. The owner allowed her to have 5.

However every year we have a small special dinner for her birthday with a birthday cake. She admitted she was more concerned that she would not get this, rather then presents. Fortunately we did not dissapoint her.

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