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4 replies

lyssie29 · 03/01/2022 09:23

Hi I've been a single mum for 5 years now after my fiance passed away. My eldest is 8 and youngest 6. I'm not a very outgoing person and have a group of friends that I've had for years that I'm quite happy with. I do talk to my daughter's friends mums at the school but I do get anxious and overwhelmed easily. My oldest keeps asking for birthday parties or inviting friends over. It just makes me really anxious. It stems from growing up and being told constantly how messy and untidy I am so now I don't bother inviting ppl over I always go to them. I always overthink things and it makes me nervous even just inviting one of their friends for tea. What does everyone else do? I dont have anyone who will sort of help me it's just me. Always just me on my own with the kids. So if we had a sort of tea party it would be just me with all the kids. None of my friends have kids. Is anyone else in the same boat? Even a birthday thing out with other kids makes me feel anxious at having to do it all. Even though I do know some of the kids the play with.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
SparklingLime · 03/01/2022 10:57

I’d start small with one or two friends over for a play date. Pizza and a film on the sofa? Really low key. Then you can have the experience of having someone over as an adult, when no one is going to call you messy and untidy - you are not that kid with critical parents any more!

I’ve also had loads of anxiety and one important thing about it is that if you avoid things that you may be could do, but would be uncomfortable, then your life gets smaller. You don’t want this to stop your kids’ having play dates and parties, so start taking some small steps. Perhaps first invite one or more of your own friends, who you feel comfortable with, over for pizza and a film or whatever. Something easy. And work up to a play date.

I’d suggest these books, they’ve helped me lots:

www.amazon.co.uk/Feel-Fear-Anyway-Indecision-Confidence/dp/0091907071?tag=mumsnetforu03-21

www.amazon.co.uk/Overcoming-Anxiety-Books-Prescription-Title/dp/1849018782?tag=mumsnetforu03-21

SparklingLime · 03/01/2022 13:14

Bumping for you @lyssie29.

RedCandyApple · 03/01/2022 13:26

You don’t have to do a school party, very different for me but my kids have asd and don’t have friends at school, so we’ve never done a school party, we just do a day out somewhere nice, maybe theme park or something similar

coodawoodashooda · 03/01/2022 13:28

Start small if your child is asking
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