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They were abused!

4 replies

Redruby4 · 02/01/2022 19:52

* TRIGGER WARNING *

I am sooo heartbroken.

I have just found out that my daughter who's 22 was sexually abused when she was 9.

A bit of background here. I fled my home on 2009 due to domestic violence while heavily pregnant with my 4th child. I took my 3 young children with me and went to my mother's home. My daughters were 9 & 10 and my son was 6. I had my baby, a third daughter on my own. I soon became depressed due to my living conditions and being alone with four young children. My mother was no help at all.

Two weeks later, my sister in law's uncle came to my mum's to carry out renovation work. I never once thought he could be so evil and sinister. He belonged to a very religious family back home. He found my daughter alone with her baby sister and decided it was OK to put his filthy hands inside her knickers and on her private parts. I had gone downstairs to collect my baby's clean clothes from the utility area. My other children were there. I since found out that he had also touched my eldest daughter on the bottom, he put his hands into her knickers and touched her. She told me later and I saw red. I wanted to kill him and I really regret not doing so. She also told my mum but she didn't believe my daughter! By then he had flown back home.

I am soooo upset with myself. I've spent my entire life hoping that my kids would never go through what I did, I was also sexually abused by my parent's lodger when I was just 5 (myself and my older brother) but he's never talked about it to me. I think he wants to erase that bad memory completely from his mind.

But it happened to me and now with my two daughters. I feel like such a failure and a bad mum that I couldn't protect them. I'm sooo scared that if my children's father finds out, he'll blame me because I left him. He'll say that it's my fault it happened and it wouldn't have happened if I hadn't left him.

I want to hunt down this evil bastard and castrate him. He's married now with daughters of his own. I have a very bad feeling that he's molested his great nieces back home. How can I get justice? My daughters don't want me to say anything and would rather just leave everything to God.

Thank you for reading.

OP posts:
Kindra · 02/01/2022 21:04

I am so sorry that you and your children went through that. Thank you for believing your children, for listening to them. They would never have disclosed to you if you didn't make them feel safe and loved.

Know that you did what you could, you brought them to that place in order to get them out of danger; you weren't to know that someone who seemed like a safe family member would abuse your children. I send hugs and Flowers

Kindra · 02/01/2022 21:11

Also, your daughters could access an ISVA (independent sexual violence advocate) for support around the abuse that they experienced. They could do this even if they didn't want to report the man who hurt them to the police.

If they wanted the police to know what he was like without having to get involved themselves, then, via their ISVA, they could make an "anonymous intelligence" report. So their ISVA would tell the police any details about what happened that they wanted passed on without telling the police who they are

Redruby4 · 03/01/2022 07:26

Thank you for your reply, I'm seeing a mentor this week for other issues and will get her advice too.

OP posts:
singlemum203 · 03/01/2022 10:45

I'm sorry this happened to you and your family. But I really think you need to report him to the police to protect others. It is very likely he is doing the same to his own daughters. And is also a risk to other young children. I would not be able to sleep knowing that such a man was out there and freely able to hurt and destroy others lives.

Please please report him to the police. In this instance, leaving it to God just isn't enough.

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