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Original poster

My ex refuses to use co-parenting app

38 replies

Anon778833 · 31/12/2021 08:48

We have a little girl who is 2. At the moment, she stays with him one night a week.

I already did post a thread about his controlling behaviour. The whole time we were together, he was chasing someone else. Yet, now we've split up he won't stop trying to hang out with me. He parks outside my house, buys me presents, sends me photos of himself. He is constantly messaging me on WhatsApp and when I say I want to keep communication just to our daughter he demands that we must 'be friends'

I don't think he wants ti get back together - he's repeatedly said he doesn't love me.

I am autistic and it is affecting my mental health. I feel he doesn't want to allow me to move on with my life. He also does the same thing to his ex wife - phoning her from withheld numbers so she answers etc.

I was advised on here to use Our Family Wizard. So I've gone to the trouble of getting this app and he is flatly refusing to use it, calling it 'government surveillance'.

What should I do now? He's impossible.

OP posts:
RandomMess · 01/01/2022 00:05

Final email to him.

Collection and return it x on y day and x on y.

If you are have not turned up for contact on time It will be assumed you do not want it that weekend. If you return her late contact will be stopped until you obtain a court order. (In reality you may have to get an emergency order to get her returned).

I will keep the app updated whether you choose to use it or not for 12 months.

Then block him on everything and do not engage in any communication with him.

LIZS · 01/01/2022 00:06

But why does he need such a detailed account, even most resident parents would not know all that instantly. Either he is willing to give definite access times and gets updated then or there is no access. It all seems to be about him not your dc.

Stomacharmeleon · 01/01/2022 00:07

Then make it his only option.
Block from everything else.
If he asks you in person tell him it's on the app.
Repeat like a broken record. Like I said they do eventually get bored.
You have to be tough though x

Itsnotover · 01/01/2022 00:11

@LIZS

But why does he need such a detailed account, even most resident parents would not know all that instantly. Either he is willing to give definite access times and gets updated then or there is no access. It all seems to be about him not your dc.

That's because he flatly refuses to stick to the same time every week.

RandomMess · 01/01/2022 00:13

Not your problem you just rigidly tell him what it is from now on he either turns up on time or he misses contact.

RandomMess · 01/01/2022 00:14

Don't discuss/negotiate anymore.

Itsnotover · 01/01/2022 00:19

Thank you. I need to be stronger. I have to keep strong.

I will admit that there is a part of me afraid to stand up to him in case he doesn't return our daughter.

I also don't really want to stop contact unless absolutely necessary because she is very clingy to me and if she doesn't see him for some time, it will be traumatic for her when contact has to start again. To be fair to him, strictly as a parent he seems to take good care of her and she seems to enjoy going to his.

ElegantlyTouched · 01/01/2022 00:23

Do you have a friend or family member who could intercept his emails (set up forwarding to their account) and send you the relevant info (if there is any) once a week?

RandomMess · 01/01/2022 00:23

The only way it will end is by standing up to him over contact and only offering fixed.

Offer him a Sunday night so if fails to return you can file to court on a Monday.

NewHopes · 05/01/2022 21:42

If he doesn't want to get an app because he is worried he's somehow being monitored, could you do the same in a technology-free way? Eg. Get a notebook and hand it over when he sees the kids? You can write in it things like "please return clothes/toys" or "parents evening is next week" or "ca you have the children on these dates next month" etc. Would he do that? What else does the app facilitate?

Meowygirl · 10/09/2022 04:12

Same here. It's not perfect.
But you will have obvious lack of willingness to cooperate.
If u can have a person screen your messages, go to police whenever he a obvious jerk, see psychologist- document everything. And app is good.
But court will order it, especially with his bad behaviour.
And if using what's app, keep a visual copy, screenshot and on paper, for later. I mean even 3 years etc. It's helpful. And written notes too.
They cause a effect called triggering, always call them out on it, or don't and leave a few days to respond. Look like the responsible one. And call helplines. Get court orders. There's 4 steps, that's the easiest.
Advice had from a psychiatrist in hospital.. xo

Sellorkeep · 10/09/2022 04:37

You are too accessible to him. No need to answer the phone. Definitely no WhatsApp.
Just email for now and do not answer straight away. Minimise your responses to just the necessary.
Stop accommodating his flakey availability. It might be fine now when your child is too little to know but as soon as she’s old enough to understand he’s late or changing the plan this risks destabilising her.
Log the stalking and report it if it doesn’t cease.
Forget the app for now. There’s many things you can do without it.
Good luck 🤞

Jonathanqqq · 11/03/2025 18:34

Jeez she is trying to protect her mental health and you say it’s controlling?

the app is designed to stop this kind of behaviour.

agreed she should seek a court order but please understand what controlling is before commenting

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