Should I cut contact?

[NatM15588]

I split with my DDs dad 3.5 years ago when she turned 2 due to his mental health making the house unsafe for us. For the first year he came and visited her twice a week at my house but when he finally got a place of his own the visits became less frequent going to once every 2-3 weeks and this year he hasnt been down since july. 2 birthdays and christmas have now been ignored with him going awol for weeks without even a text. The final straw was yesterday when my DD asked out the blue was her dad dead because he doesnt phone/visit. Im seriously considering when he does eventually resurface telling him hes blown his last chance and block him!

I would personally leave door open

I doubt very much that he will resurface (or not until DD is an adult and he has regrets) so I would focus on managing her and her feelings of rejection etc
If I am wrong and he does resurface I’d tell him that due to the lengthy absense he will need to rebuild contact gradually and in an appropriate way. Ask him to put forward a proposal. Don’t just block - contact is supposed to be for the benefit of the child and you don’t want to appear obstructive. Equally it is up to him to consider what is best for your DD and suggest an appropriate plan. If he comes up with a suggestion then give your feedback. Do sone research. I’d suggest he would need to show consistency in writing letters to her over a period of time followed by supervised contact for a period of time before moving to unsupervised contact and then overnights (if all else goes well and he has suitable accommodation etc)
If he takes it to court you need to be able to show that you are acting purely in the interests of DD rather than from a sense of bitterness. And the outcome will probably be the same - he won’t be interested in putting in the work and they won’t have a relationship. But this will be purely his doing and no one can say you stood in the way.

Imo they do resurface, well my kids dad
Always does, pops up once a year 🙄

Thanks for the replies. Contact would always be supervised due to his mental health as he has told me he cant manage her on his own. Maybe he will resurface we will just have to wait and see.

Just leave him for now.

Wait till /if he gets in touch , then set ground rules.

Don't chase or contact.