Failure as a mum

[Seabird1975]

I feel like such a bad mum, my ex says I’m passing them from pillar to post when the only time his parents or he had them is when I’m at work,nobody else watches them for me,they push me every day with their behaviour to a point now I’m thinking maybe I should let them go live with their dad,he uses them as a weapon if we argue saying he’s not have them so I can’t work,it’s always his way or no way, I end up getting upset in front of them because I just don’t know what to do….I feel I’m not cut out to be a mum and letting them go is better for them…I sometimes wish I wasn’t here…

Aww. Try not to get too down. It can be really hard. How old are the children? You have no one to help?

3 and 5 his parents help but I don’t like putting on them too much… it’s like they have a switch and as soon as they see me they start being naughty,I’ve done naughty step and have a traffic light system but nothing seems to work… I just feel they don’t like being with me,and neither would I at the min the way I feel if I’m honest…

Sounds like he is a failure of a dad. What an absolute KNOB.

He uses the children as a weapon and he's saying these things to make you anxious and doubt yourself. You are not the problem. You are NOT a failure.

You are doing an amazing job as mum. It is relentless and they are both so little. Behaviour is communication. My dd had massive tantrums until she was 6/7. It was really hard when You are parenting alone.

Are you claiming benefits. Can you get help with childcare costs. Don't let him have this control over you. He parents on his time you in yours. Don't get drawn into the discussion.

Do look after yourself. I go to bed early. Still do now. But I get much needed sleep. Rest and warm and cosy in my bed.

Can you seek out some counselling for you. There are low cost options out there and most are operating over zoom now a days.

Be kind to yourself. Your babies need you and your ex is achieving what he wants to do by getting you rattled.

If they’re at their naughtiest with you at that age, it’s a good sign. It means they feel secure in the fact that you’ll love them no matter what. At school/ nursery/ when being minded they’ll be on best behaviour, which is tiring. With you, they relax. Which shows you’re a good mum and the centre of their world.

Aren't they at school and nursery? is it possible to use wraparound childcare, bfast club etc?

A threat to remove the most valuable posession usually helps to restore some order!