Cut long story short ex is not trusted alone with lo (13 months old) and understands why and respects this. Hes very in and out, one minute he will be very intrested in beeing in lo's life and will be round all the time then suddenly will go days without seeing lo or even texting me asking how he is and dosent reply to me messaging or ringing him, which is a pain because recently i went into hospital and my friend was looking after lo and he wouldnt settle so was trying to contact ex to come over to settle lo but no responce from him and his mum ended up coming round to help and she said hes at the pub enjoying himself. Recently like tonight said he will come over for bedtime routine, spends an hour sat on the sofa barley interacting with lo then left, after offering and saying he would stay the night on the sofa so he can get up with lo in the morning giving me exta sleep (lo has not been a great sleeper recently but ex is a very heavy sleeper and is hard to wake up so no point in getting him to help at night). Also recently i planned a nice christmasy day out for ex not to show up and not reply to any of my texts or phonecalls, then turns up at my flat a few days later acting like everything is normal.
Whenever i have mentioned christmas plans he says hes not bothered, to do what i want, i dont care etc. So for christmas day i came up with my own plan including spending time with him and visiting his parents, which he has agreed with no problem. I dont imagine him even turning up with a gift for lo as hes not given me a penny in a month, hes not employed, lost his job a few weeks ago due to not turning up most the time and simply does not care about it.
My nan planned weeks ago a family get together boxing day aftenoon which ive agreed to go to with lo, this evening ex asked what my plans are boxing day and when i told him got angry that i had made plans without asking him if its okay and saying that my family always come first. Turns out his brother has invited us over for dinner on boxing day (i get along with them well, they live 45 minutes away and ex dosent drive so im the driver to get over there, which i dont ushaly mind as it means lo is spending time with his cousins and i get to maintain a nice friendship with the girlfriend, we get on well and often meet up for coffees and play dates). I explained my nans get together is only untill 4 so i can compromise and get out half an hour early at half 3 and we can get there for just after 4 so in time for dinner, hes in a huff saying dont bother it will be too late.
Im just pissed that up till now hes not been bothered about christmas plans at all and is making me feel bad that im going to a family gathering.
Im now waiting for the new years plans question, although half expecting him to 'dissapear' for the few days over new year but hes so unpredictable. I just wish he would be continustly intrested in lo's life and not just when he can be bothered and thinks and talks about life events in advance instead of last minute. Will this get any better or is this going to continue for the rest of my childs childhood?