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My ds “father” has just told him I’m not your daddy

32 replies

Laststraw2567 · 20/12/2021 19:34

I am absolutely fuming and need to vent. For background: My ex and I have been separated since the beginning of this year. We have a 2 year old (almost 3) who is an absolute joy and my world. Since we split initially, due to my ex being abusive to me, he didn’t see my ds for a few months (ss and police were involved and we gradually began contact). Since around August time things have been going ok re their relationship. Contact between them has been increasing and going well. My boy loves his daddy and looks forward to seeing him. He also around once a week asks to phone daddy just before he goes to bed. He did so today. Chat started ok, ds was telling him about nursery/new friends/ what he’s been upto etc. Then completely out of the blue his “daddy” shouted “oh hang on ds, you’ve rang the wrong person! I’m not your daddy!” Then hangs up the phone. My boy was devastated, clearly understood the context of what he heard and has finally settled to sleep after crying his little heart out asking questions about why daddy is saying he’s not my daddy… I’m now receiving abusive texts declaring he’s found out I’m seeing someone new (I wish) so as far as he’s concerned he’s opting out. This from a man who lets his son down all the time, says he will see him on x day and doesn’t turn up/ refuses to pay maintenance (self employed so can’t use CMS)/ is generally a shit dad. I feel awful for my boy. He shouldn’t have to hear these things or be upset by the man who claims to love and care for him. I’m now considering cutting all contact (he will inevitably again apologise in a day or 2, say it’s my fault he got wound up and ask to see ds). I will not have my boy be used and upset. I keep thinking about the benefit of this man being in his life. Then again questioning myself as I know it’s better for children to have both parents if possible. I know if I cut contact he wouldn’t peruse it ie court (probably would turn up and kick my door smash windows etc as he has in the past). He has never directed his anger or abuse towards him before, always me. Hence ending the relationship. I don’t know what to do. In the past when I’ve stopped contact ds has gotten upset asking to see daddy. I don’t want my boy to be without a dad but this is the last straw. I can’t see what to do for his sake in his best interests. Emotional abuse to a 2 year old is utterly vile. I personally know the damage this kind of comment can have. I won’t let it happen. Do I just cut all contact? Or is that unfair on da?I Anyone any advice?

OP posts:
SparklingLime · 20/12/2021 23:33

So sad, OP. I’d imagine that this man will increasingly direct his abuse at DS now that he has started.

There are resources to help you help DS through this. But don’t tell him “daddy is busy” that sends the message that DS is not important enough for daddy’s time. Margot Sutherland’s books can be very good, eg this one: www.amazon.co.uk/Frog-Who-Longed-Moon-Smile/dp/0863884954/ref=mp_s_a_1_29?s=books&tag=mumsnetforu03-21&qid=1640042959&refinements=p_27%3AMargot+Sunderland&sr=1-29

Laststraw2567 · 20/12/2021 23:38

@SparklingLime thank you I’ve just been googling looking for something like this.

OP posts:
Babyvenusplant · 20/12/2021 23:39

I agree it's such a hard decision, I still can't believe what he said 😠 how could you do that to your 2 Yr old child

Laststraw2567 · 21/12/2021 00:00

@Babyvenusplant I have no idea. Major drip feed here he also knows I’m currently battling cancer and am trying to out in place plans for the future if the worst happens. I just cannot comprehend willingly bringing a child into the world then being so blasé about actually parenting them

OP posts:
SparklingLime · 21/12/2021 00:15

I’m so sorry, @Laststraw2567 Flowers

FallonCarringtonWannabe · 21/12/2021 06:39

Since you already have had social workers involved, if be passing this on to them.

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