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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

Should children go to stay with gf/ow when dad is away?

18 replies

Whoknows11 · 19/12/2021 22:18

My ex is in the forces and will be going away next year, apparently (according to my son) a week away, a week back home. My son has said that his Dad would like him and his sibling to still see the gf/ow I'm guessing on the allocated set out by court days.

I'm wondering what people think to this? My eldest child has said his dad would like him to but he doesn't know how he feels.

If he and my other child would like to then I'll happily assist but if they're impartial then I see it as the court order is to see their Dad, not the gf.

Tia

OP posts:

OppsUpsSide · 19/12/2021 22:19

I agree with you

NameChangeCity123 · 19/12/2021 22:20

I wouldn't be happy with that. They're there to see their dad, not his gf.

FortunesFave · 19/12/2021 22:20

No they should not go unless they really want to. It's not HER time with the DC! However, depending on how long their Dad is away for, I think an occasional visit would be beneficial so they keep their connection.

It's certainly not to be seen as "access" in any way though.

SouthOfFrance · 19/12/2021 22:21

How does the GF/OW feel about this? Do you think this has come from a genuine desire or to not have to pay you extra (if applicable).

Would it not make more sense to give him more contact on the weeks he's around and you have more contact when he's away?

WildWombat · 19/12/2021 22:22

Seems weird to me. What does the GF say about it? Can't imagine she'd be thrilled at looking after someone else's kids 🤷🏻‍♀️

Positivelypatient · 19/12/2021 22:23

No way, I would not entrust my children to someone I don't really know. Court order is for them to see their DF, not A.N.Other.

Georgy12 · 19/12/2021 22:23

Haha no, they are with one PARENT or the other, she's not even a stepmum just a random girlfriend, there could be loads of them before he ties the knot again if he ever does.

Original poster

Whoknows11 · 19/12/2021 22:26

My ex has not even mentioned this to me, my 11 year old has mentioned it this evening. My ex is in the forces so I have known he'll go away at some point.

We have a CAO so not sure if I can give more the week he's around, not even sure he could with his work anyhow.

No idea what the gf/ow feels it thinks, we don't talk.

I imagine it's to do with money. He was on the phone to CM the day his daughter was born to reduce my payments!

OP posts:

Justbecause88 · 19/12/2021 22:43

I'm a military wife with a young child (half sibling of my DSS's). I would be very surprised if the gf has agreed to this. It's hard enough being left with your own kids without having DSC too. I would check what the conversation was. It might have been a comment from Dad that it would be nice for the kids to be able to see each-other while he's away so maybe some contact time. I certainly wouldn't agree to maintain my DH contact arrangements with DSS while he is away.

Retailfairy · 19/12/2021 22:47

How old is his daughter? I understand the children seeing each other whilst dad is away but not visiting just to see the GF!

FallonCarringtonWannabe · 19/12/2021 22:48

I wondered whether it was a way to control his gf when he isnt around to watch her…

Original poster

Whoknows11 · 19/12/2021 22:53

All interesting points.

Understand for the half sibling to remain in contact but my 11 yr old says he wouldn't want to see her(she's 4) doesn't like her as she's so spoilt and gets her own way with everything! Should I encourage him to see her? Youngest has the sage views but is 6 so quite fickle.

The gf/ow is odd. She used to play happy families with my children before she had her own child. And now uses my youngest as a play friend when hers is lonely.

OP posts:

TalkToTheHand123 · 19/12/2021 23:50

Is she trustworthy? Sounds like it's to keep her daughter entertained, so for her benefit. Would be nice to have some free time, but only if it's all good.

Original poster

Whoknows11 · 20/12/2021 07:22

Not trustworthy, she's very manipulative and a nasty piece of work when it comes to me.

OP posts:

Woodmarsh · 20/12/2021 10:39

Personally I think they should stay with you unless they really want to go.

I do find it amusing though that if this thread were in the step parent forum everyone would be saying that it's dad's time and he should arrange care so mum can have a break.

Is that an opportunity to revist who has what hours?

Original poster

Whoknows11 · 20/12/2021 11:28

I'm not sure as that would mean going back to court to revisit the hours. He's not even told me he's going away yet. It will be interesting to juggle work which frustrates me but that is life as a single mum when they live with me. He can just do what he wants when he wants and I work around it. The court order is against me if I breach it but nothing happens if he does!

OP posts:

TalkToTheHand123 · 20/12/2021 11:52

Do you have a childcare back up plan if he's away and you don't want his gf to have your children when you need to work?

Original poster

Whoknows11 · 20/12/2021 12:07

Not yet but it'll be a priority to sort after Xmas!

OP posts:

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