Christmas failure

[Burtiez]

My best isn't good enough, I'm one of those people that go overboard at Christmas, matching pjs, elf in the shelf etc but my kid Have made comments like Christmas is boring, they don't really enjoy Christmas day, today while making cookies with Christmas music blaring and festive hot chocolates from my hot chocolate bar my daughter says it doesn't really feel like Christmas. I can't do any better, I run myself ragged trying to please them, they don't put any effort in, they just expect to be entertained, they turn down movie nights or games, I'll spend age's setting up stuff, worrying about making it just how they'll like and they can't be bothered, the food is never right, they'd rather watch you tube on their phone, if they do take part they act at if it's all expected they're never impressed, ever! it's just me and the kids so I don't have anyone else to do it all for, I love Christmas always have but I'm frightened to try. I can't cancel Christmas so spent the evening crying on my own, knowing I have so much to do but knowing however hard I try it will be a disappointment to the people that mean the most to me.

I feel for you but I think you are handing over too much power to your kids to justify your enjoyment of Christmas and maybe trying too hard. It sounds like your kids are sensing this and are backing away.

Love Xmas because you love it! Do things that you love doing for it, not just because you want these things for the kids and definitely don't run yourself ragged. Be a good enough parent!

You don't say how old they are but this could be a natural part of them getting older. You're doing a great job and they'll always remember you for it but don't run yourself ragged. Do what you enjoy, get your rest, and they'll join in if they want to.

I see what your saying but I don't think they're 'backing away' my son would be happy doing nothing and I can respect that, tend to let him be and don't expect him to join in if it's not his thing, but my daughter wants to have 'special moment' until they happen and then they're disappointing, if I do something for me like watch a movie without them or cook the dinner I like they get she gets the hump, your right they have to much power, I try to do things for myself but it just feels sad doing stuff on your own.

What's the rest of the year like with the kids?

How old are they?

They're good kids mostly, well behaved at school, get on with each other, no slammed doors or I hate you moments, but I never made a dinner that didn't disappoint, never organized a day out that they raved about after, if they don't pick the program to watch they'll just leave half way through, they're not rude just honest, my daughter need to be in control, and if she didn't pick she'll just talk over stuff or rolls off the couch, but think that's her ADHD making it hard to focus, my son has autism so he is brutally honest, but it's funny it doesn't bother me as much from him, know it's stupid wanting your kids approval.

11 and 15, but my 11 year old is more like a teenager and my 15 year old is more like a extremely bright 5 year old (think young Sheldon 😅)

Oh as a Christmas maniac I feel for you. I also have a son with ASD. He's 9 and a 5 yoDD and 23 yr old DD and 15 yr old DS.

My ASD ds is the same with the tv. I find poppin and causally saying I'm watching whatever in a minute would you like to join. That way I get my arguments out the way.

The 5 yr will get way involved in anything I do, the others not so much.
But I still live Christmas and enjoy watching movies and dancing while cooking on my own.

If your kids are the very honest type be honest with them. When they moan about xyz moan back. Well I'm sorry you didn't enjoy that meal. I spent 25 minutes making that pastry. Won't do that again.

Just try to roll with it don't take anything personally.
My son loves Christmas and hates it. So much sensory overload, the wait for Christmas Day. He's been so moody. But I'v also seen and recognised little moments where his face has lit up.
Just try to do what makes you happy.

I love the matching pjs and seeing all my kids big and small matching. So he gets to pick the pjs or he probably wouldn't join in. Christmas Eve family party. He will get mad, throw things at us, demanding that we stop dancing around the house. We all just direct him to his room. Sometimes he will join us sometimes he won't. I treasure when he does and don't mention it when he doesn't.

Truly wishing you and lovely Christmas xxx

You really need to turn things around. Time to stop Christmas being about what you do for the kids and time to do it as a team. If they want something you need to make it happen together.

Give them some of the responsibility for making Christmas. It sounds a bit to me like you're overcompensating and going a bit OTT - they are old enough to make Christmas work together. What jobs can they do? How can they help make the special moments? And what special things can you do with a friend instead while they behave like normal teens and sit on their phones?

Are they able to understand that brutal honesty isn't appreciated?

I think you're sugar coating rudeness.

Not a lot of friends really, DS used to like to lick new things, like chair and other people's pet and DD was like the Duracell Bunny on speed so it was tricky to keep friends, I have them do stuff but it's a bit painful as they need support, I'm normally alright with them being underwhelmed by me but it really got to me this year, sorry know I've over reacted just needed to vent

They don't really have filters, DS can't lie, will try to say something positive but it normally comes out like 'I don't want this but it's a nice colour' or 'I don't mind this sandwich but next time...' DD reacts without thinking, If you point out it's rude she'll back pedal.

For me, I just wouldn't bother. Xmas is way overhyped. A couple of nice treats for each is enough.