Honestly ?
If this is a regular thing let him fade out of their lives as soon as possible I wish I had done that
Is it court ordered?
Don't tell them they are seeing him until last min as far as possible - pleasant surprise if he shows no disappointment if he doesn't
On this occasion I would say he isn't feeling well it's kinder for them
But truly a disinterested dad is worse than no dad
Tell him not to make them promises or say when he'll see them for the reason it's not fair on them when he doesn't show.
I went down the road of doing all I could to make him see dd. It was a mistake! It would have been MUCH better for dd if I had not made a fuss and let him gradually fade out of her life
Especially true when the dc are very little and will likely forget him which is certainly true for your 3 year old
This opinion is not only based on my own experience with ex but also the other single parent families I know.
It goes like this ;
Best - involved engaged and enthusiastic dad
Next best - no dad
Worse - uninvolved disinterested or even "Disney" dad
Worst - abusive dad
That he no longer would see his children at all until there was a court order in place.
That is actually the route I went - all it does is delays the inevitable!
They'll take you to court to make a point but it's rarely because they are genuinely interested in being a decent father
If i had taken a softer "weaker" approach then what would likely have happened is ex would have gradually (but less gradually than what happened) seen dd less and less and then stopped bothering all together
Instead he would see her but not make an effort with her and she felt unwanted (I didn't know this until many years later plus she wasn't able to articulate this when she was little either), he expected too much of her.
Throughout this time I bent over backwards and skint myself to ensure dd saw her dad regularly. I did and paid for all the travel and I sucked up the costs of all the clothes etc that weren't returned from the visits (I was a mug basically!)
A perfect storm occurred that inc dd discovering this fact and my no longer being able to afford to do this and my disability worsened meaning I couldn't do the travel
So dd asked that I stop
Stop bending over backwards, stop making excuses for him (she unfortunately discovered I had covered when he'd backed out of/cocked up on contacts too)
She wanted to see if he would step up himself, for her...
He didn't
He had to cancel the next contact as he hadn't arranged annual leave in time, and within a year he was having no contact with her AT ALL within 18 months he had BLOCKED her on every communication method (she was heartbroken I was Fucking livid!)
I never blocked him and in the several years until contact was resumed (she contacted that side of family and gradually they are reconnecting but it's very much her that's pushing it) I always ensured he had our contact details. We moved twice in that time and I sent info to his mum who maintained contact on sm with dd throughout.
He's still a disinterested shit (dd is now 20) and regularly lets her down and she tries to be brave which is frustrating. I think it would do her a lot of good if she gave him some home truths!
I am blocked from contacting him at all which is fine by me. Dd wouldn't want me to speak to him on her behalf and I really have no interest in speaking with him.