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Original poster

Threatening legal action

13 replies

singlemum203 · 28/11/2021 20:29

Just after some advice please, hopefully ive posted in the right place.

I have split with my partner 2 months after giving birth. We are deciding on access and maintenance and I have suggested 2 weeknights for him to do bath/bedtime, he can call after work, every Sunday (lunch to bed), and alternate Fridays where I will allow baby to stop at his. I don't want baby doing more overnight stays as I think they are too little right now. He agreed to this.

However, we then got in to a disagreement and threatened me with legal action as he did not like the way I was speaking to him apparently. What could he do legally? I am giving him access.

OP posts:
Honeyroar · 28/11/2021 20:34

I’d take him at his word. Get a proper agreement done professionally. He probably won’t be entitled to as much as you’re offering him, so he’s cutting off his nose to spite his face. Don’t let him threaten you every time he doesn’t like the way things are going!

FelicityPike · 28/11/2021 20:38

A judge won’t order overnight stays for a 2 month old baby!
Let him take you to mediation & court if he wants to.

FelicityPike · 28/11/2021 20:38

Oh and I hope he’s been paying proper maintenance since you split?

Ohpulltheotherone · 28/11/2021 20:40

Itd probably be wise to have a legal contact order in place.

Next time he makes a threat just say “ok that’s fine, I think it’s a good idea to have a court order”

Then get yourself some legal advice.

A lot of men pull this line out every time they don’t get their own way or want to exercise control but you’ve got nothing to be scared of in terms of court. It actually gives you a lot more protection than you’ve got when it’s informal agreement.

You’ve been reasonable, it’s unlikely your ex wants anything more than you’ve agreed, but he’ll want the control and he’ll want to be able to use this as a way to threaten you.

Don’t let that happen. Tell him yes you agree, a court ordered contact agreement is probably the best way to go and to forward you his solicitor details so that you can pass it on to yours.

RedWingBoots · 28/11/2021 20:48

Waste of money on his part.

He won't get more than what you are offering and it would screw all of you in the long run as there would be limited flexibility going forward.

Also if he is stupid enough to go down the legal route you can prevent him entering your home for contact.

Anyway make sure every agreement and agreed changes you make with him are at least written ones. If it's an informal agreement make sure you email him about it.
If he's whinging/threatening you it would be better if you two agreed a more formal arrangement but if you do but then he cannot come to your house for contact as you will not want him around in future when you move on with someone else.

Original poster
singlemum203 · 28/11/2021 20:57

Thanks all.

He has suggested (with no input from me) £200 per month initially, and said it could increase if needed in the future, which I thought was good. (Although I know he pays more for his two other children, however they are older).

We've agreed this access through what's app, does that count for it being 'written' down somewhere? Sorry if that's a silly question, this is all new to me.

I actually think he would be happy with less contact. He only wanted 2 nights per week, but I said that wasn't enough. I also said (in the heat of the moment) if he threatened me again I would just cut contact and he could take me to court. But don't think I'd be doing myself any favours by doing that.

I also don't want to spend my savings on solicitors fees

OP posts:
ToughTittyWhompus · 28/11/2021 20:59

No it doesn’t count.

No judge would order overnights for a baby that young, I certainly didn’t give them to my ex - not until she was 1.

Regularly small contact is the way to go.

ToughTittyWhompus · 28/11/2021 21:00

Also don’t need a sol for court, you’d be better served by a direct access barrister

gonnabeok · 28/11/2021 21:24

Is he on the birth certificate. It can make a difference.

Wishitsnows · 28/11/2021 21:58

Wow let him take you to court. He is not even caring about the child's best interests. You have offered too much already. What the baby needs is priority now and this isn't it.

Santaischeckinglists · 28/11/2021 22:00

Guideline is 18 months for overnights I was told.

RedWingBoots · 29/11/2021 23:31

@gonnabeok

Is he on the birth certificate. It can make a difference.
He can very easily get parental responsibility. He can put an application in at the same time he puts in his Child Arrangements application. The OP would then have to have a bloody good reason why she is allowing a man who isn't the child's father to have regular contact.
RedWingBoots · 29/11/2021 23:34

I also said (in the heat of the moment) if he threatened me again I would just cut contact and he could take me to court. But don't think I'd be doing myself any favours by doing that.

Do whatever you can to keep it out of Court.

The order is against you not him. So he can take you for enforcement but not the other way round.

Plus it means neither of you can be flexible about arrangements as it means one could take the other one back to Court.

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