To ask how u manage working, childcare and dating

[Covidtrap]

Is it just me or is this impossible? Im a single parent to a 19month old. He has contact with his dad one day a week only. I struggle for childcare and pay a fortune on nurserys as my family live elsewhere. I have a newish bf but that is becoming more of a challenge as i have zero childfree time to "date" and feel guilty if i do.
Has anyone got a good system in place? Is there hope? My employer expects me to do long days as i work for the nhs and its impossible to get childcare after 6pm.
Thinking of setting sail and moving home but then my son wouldnt see his dad at all (unless we came to some sort of holiday arrangement) but for one day a week does he even want to anyway? Feel like he already does the bare minimum.

I have no idea op, I also work for the NHS and I work night shifts when ds goes to his dad's so I really have no free time at all. I'm contemplating moving to a job where I have free evenings so I can start dating in the evening when I'm ready. Can you look into au pairs or nannys. They might cost the same.

I can’t date, single parent to 4, kids don’t see their father (his choice) been single for 5 years!

Dont date by choice, pay a lot for childcare but it will get less and less as he gets older (flying start 30 free hours school and holiday club)

Remote WFH is useful too

I don't date. I've had to put work and my health first and I never get an overnight break. Been 13 years.

In that if DC is unwell rather than lose a days pay I just stay up late working after bedtime

I think I would enjoy to date but it's only me and DD in our world so it seems Impossible

You don't IME. Not successfully anyway. I was single for 8 years. Then had a relationship which ended because he hated my dc. Not gonna bother again.

I'm afraid that I agree - it's almost impossible. My ex hasn't been involved with DD in any way at all since birth, and lives overseas. Full time work plus being a sole parent wore me out. I've just started dating again after a few aborted attempts some years ago (DD is 24).

I think dating is hard but especially as your DC is still quite young.

If you moved would it be nearer your support network?

thank you for all your stories its comforting in some ways to know im not the only one as im sure as you all know it feels that way when you see your friends in relationships or without kids dating etc and i have to admit i miss some things. It would be easier if i moved home i think. Its just so difficult to find jobs with childcare friendly hours and balancing that with nursery fees to see if its worth it and also dating. Im hoping things do get easier with age, im not desperate for a relationship but i do miss just being able to go out for dinner and a drink its the simple things

Its hard. I tried a childminder and it was a disaster, I was lucky that when we started dating our work places were very close to each other, so we could have a lunch date, or we could both tag lunch on to the end of the day and I’d use after school club to a slightly later time.

But it was hard and the person you’re dating needs to be very understanding.

Same as meglet and hunting.

The only people I know who have managed to date are either single parents who use their non custody days, or single/lone parents with plenty of family/social support nearby. I don't have any of this.

Simon were you successful that way?

@TinyTroubleMaker

Simon were you successful that way?

For a while, but you can’t stick with lunch dates forever, I don’t work a Friday, so that became an option and he started using some days of annual leave, I did eventually have him over when my son was in bed (I’m aware this makes me the worlds worst parent on MN 😂) until they were ready to meet. Can’t have been too bad as the poor sod married me.

@Simonjt aw its lovely that it all worked out for u. When did u start to feel more comfortable involving him in your DS life? Mine has met my son but never changed a nappy or been left alone with him etc. He has offered to help me by picking him up one day from nursery for the 3 hours so i can work a long day shift but i dont feel ready for that yet i feel like its alot of pressure on our relationship too