Really struggling with how to help 7yr old dd

[sandy354]

So a bit of background. 7 year old DD. Split with dad when she was 3. She spends 2 nights a week with her dad.

Used to be 6pm Tuesday to 6pm Thursday so I picked her up from school on Tuesday her dinner etc and then he picked her up. She now goes straight from school on Tuesday and I pick her up from school on the Thursday. Still exact same amount of time but we had to swap it to do with shifts.

I think she feels like it's much longer as she now doesn't see me from a Tuesday morning so although it's not actually longer, it seems to feel like it to her.

This change in arrangements was 3 weeks ago and her behaviour when I pick her up on a Thursday is so out of character. Cruising, clinging, whinining, full on toddler tantrums. When she has calmer periods she says she doesn't know why.

She says she's happy at her dads and happy at school so it's like she stores it all up and her emotions explode when I pick her up.

I know this can be normal if I'm the person she feels safest and closest with (she gets on better with her dad now but definitely sees my house as home and would choose to be with me is she could)

So as much as I understand why she's acting the way she is, but how do you handle it? Last night she told me to go upstairs and get her something. I was cooking dinner so suggested she could go and get it herself and also told her not to speak to me like that. This resulted in her throwing (a tiny) bit of playdoh at me. I told her this completely sent her to her room. This resulted in a 2hr meltdown.

It's just so so out of character for her. She's always been so well behaved and is good with talking about her emotions. But I now feel like I'm sympathising with her and feel guilty for disciplining her when she's struggling but what's the alternative?

My daughter was just the same when she had been to her dads. It was the transition. She couldn't handle it. Now she is mine it has completely disappeared.

She also has ADHD. So I try to avoid saying no. Will say things like later. Or after I have ....

It will pass

Im sorry I have no experience in this other than being a mum to a toddler but maybe she is still getting used to the transition and the worst will pass with a bit more time .. you say three weeks so that's only three times that she has lived the new arrangements.

Maybe treat it like separation anxiety. Can you spend ten minutes with her every day, no distractions, just quality together time where you can reassure her how much you enjoy spending time with her. Can she take a t shirt of yours with her to her dad's house that she can sleep with? Can you and dad text each other with messages acting like you are checking in on her and he is telling you about her day, so she knows that you are out of sight not out of mind. Matching bracelets together?Probably more and better tactics if you Google it. It just sounds a lot like my toddlers separation anxiety.

My parents aren't divorced but I am. My child is much older (a teen) and came back from his Dad's today and I've learned to keep a wide berth until he's back to "normal" His Dad isn't doing anything wrong during his time but I think it's like when you come back from holiday and things feel strange for a bit even though you've lived in your house for years.

Is your DD's dad a bit Disney and would have fetched the item even though it was inconvenient at that moment ? You were right to say she could do it herself btw - it doesn't do her any favours babying her.

I think this term can drag on too. It's dark and cold and the excitement of Christmas is round the corner and I think it's common for behaviour to go a bit haywire.

Gosh that must be so hard for both you and your DD. Sadly her wants won't be taken into account for a few years