Why is it so difficult meeting other local single mums? Or is it me?

[Teaandbiscuits40]

Single mum here since earlier this year. My two little ones are under 5. I’ve joined up with Mush and Frolo and quite active on them both. I often post to see if anyone wants to meet up at playgrounds with the little ones etc and no response.
I make first contact and people sometimes chat then go silent. I know people have busy lives etc… I’m not pushy, nosey, annoying (well I hope not). I just make an effort.

When I go to playgrounds and parks I see groups of mums together and their kids playing, if mine go over to their kids the mums can be awkward tbh.
The area I live is very couple/family orientated.

My friends are couples and tbh they really don’t get it being a single parent. I have a lovely single friend with no kids and she is great and another friend similar to her but she doesn’t engage much since I had children. She complains a lot that all her friends with kids are busy and have no time for her. Which is untrue, I’ve kept in contact with call/texts in the past.
Mums at school seem to be in their cliques already. And a lot of mums drop/pick up kids and not chat with anyone.

Sorry this is turning into a long ramble but I went through a difficult break up. And I’m happier for it. It was beginning to be physical abuse towards me and my elderly parents towards the end. So I ended things before it escalated.

Ex-partner and I would do alot with the children go places etc.., I just find it hard on my own, I take kids out to parks/playgrounds, but go to far now as I struggle a bit on buses and trains with buggy and eldest.
Just trying to build up a single friendship group as like I said earlier my couple friends just don’t get understand sometimes.

Anyone else finding it difficult meeting other single parents?

Thank you for listening.

Honestly I’ve never tried, I think it’s hard to make friends as a adult whether you’re a single parent or not, must people have their own friends and aren’t welcoming of others, I was told by everyone I would make loads of mums friends at the school but it just never happened.

I feel this way too. I'm a single mum to a 2 month old, and would absolutely love to meet and chat with other mums in a similar circumstance but have no idea how.
It can get so lonely ☹️

I found this too OP! In the end I just submitted to the fact that people aren't really interested in making friendships and stopped trying (despite many many times of trying). I focussed on the friends I do have (which is very limited due to being a single parent) and my family and my job instead. Going to child based activities is a good way to get out of the house (e.g. playgroups, music groups whatever) but don't necessarily go with the intention of making friends. However if you go more regularly you might make some. But in my experience even then the likelihood is not necessarily high and it can be crushingly difficult if people don't make an effort back when you text them for a playdate or whatever. When your kids are a bit older and at school it should get a bit easier. Just refocus on spending time with people you do know, even if it is a bit limited, finding activities you can do as a family, and anything unrelated to parenting (work, hobbies - I know this is hard when you have kids) to refocus you a bit. I tried to use the time I did have (evenings) to build my business - this took pressure off the fact I didn't have enough friendships. Now my son is that bit older (8) he has a few more school friends that we see once in a while, and we know one or two families we see every so often, and we do more activities for him and I have a bit more time for me. So don't think it's necessarily you that's the factor, IME people are flakey and unfortunately fairly useless in this regard! Take the pressure off a bit if you can.

@TurnUpTurnip, you are absolutely right it is hard making friends as an adult. I’m an older mum too (40+) so I wondered if that might the case too. But people already do have their groups.

@sunshineforever231, yes it can get so lonely. I remember when mine were 2/3 months, I did lots of pram walks in the park and went to rhyme time at my local library. Lots of new mums with little ones, I think it was just being out with others but no one really spoke afterwards. I did notice lots of mums though did attend with their friends and grandparents. But I found it nice in a way just being around others at the time. Some mums smiled and asked each other how things are going.

@kokokokokokokokoko, yes, I think it’s time I just focus on the friends I do have, even though they really don’t get it being a single parent. Sometimes I get more sense from my single friend without children. And she’s happy to meet up in parks for coffee with my kids and genuinely interested in how we are getting on in life.
I don’t work at the moment. I’m a SAHM for time being, but my youngest will be two soon and I’m planning for him to go to nursery a few mornings to play. He doesn’t really have any little playmates at the moment. I will then be returning to work.
Yes, you’re right about going to child based groups. Even as daunting as it is but I’ve found here we’re I live most mums go to groups in twos or more. So already have their little group already.
I do my hobbies when the kids are in bed at night and I enjoy our park trips as a family. They are a little for young for museums but hopefully soon we can do that.
I think I just need a little more confidence in myself, which has been knocked.

Thank you all for your replies.

Just found your thread. I'm finding it hard to make friends where I live. The one group we go to all the mums seem to be paired up or in groups. My daughter is super mosey and will go 'talk' to other mums and babies forcing me to be sociable. Most are initially pleasant and then continue with their conversations.
I did make friends on the school run when my boys were small, now 14 and 10 but those mums are finished having children. I've just started again at 40 having also relocated. I made one friend on peanut after numerous conversations.
Maybe it's just my face. I find small talk awkward sometimes coupled with being permanently knackered and in the middle of a break up I'm probably not that friendly.
I hope you have some luck though. Its rubbish having no one to talk to.

Hello am new here jus joined i have 3 year old kid really struggling in making friends feel so lonely where should i go to interact with people and find friends?

Hi @Mochatatts, lately I’ve been focusing on my current friends as it’s still hard to meet new people. I take the kids out everyday (during the day and after school for eldest child) to the playgrounds and they play. Sometimes I might get chatting to another mum sometimes not.
I’ve come to realise that focusing too much on finding friends just might not happen. Sometimes when not expecting anything, you may start to develop a friendship.

At school drop offs and pick ups I smile and say hello to others and get responses back.

A mum from the school came up to me one morning and said ‘ I live on the same road as you’ and we had a little chat. That was such a nice start to the day.

In terms of Apps; Frolo and Mush, I’m still not convinced. There’s a lot of chat on Frolo which is great for support but maybe due to Covid times people not keen to meet up.

Someone was telling to to join the Friends of the School group and become active but I’m a bit shy and I’ve seen some of the mums already and they do come across very confident.

I’m not on Facebook (yeah I know!) there’s groups there to explore so maybe just maybe

@Mano2021 hi, I would just try and get out each day; playgrounds and check out what’s going locally in your area. Give the Apps a go, you may have lots of success meeting other single parents. It’s different for each of us. Is your little one at nursery?

Have a great day everyone! 😃

Hi, I feel like this too..I have a 10 week old and just going through a break up. I just find it so isolating? My friends kids are alot older (I'm 34) so it would be nice meeting ppl with a baby my age. Its so hard as well as you don't want to go on day trips or holidays on your own etc but don't want the kids to miss out, but I also don't want to jump into a new relationship! The dilemmas of single parenthood!

In the same boat. 5 year old daughter has changed school due to a house move. I sometime ask questions like "Is it non uniform day tomorrow?", even if I know the answer, or try make a joke.

Joing Gingerbread locally and or www singlewithkids co uk if it exists where you live. Hopefully you can take the children along to any meets and meet fellow single parents.

Wives tend not to bother with single parents and they stick to coupled up friends. Generally speaking with very few exceptions.

I would like to know another single mum locally too, sometimes at play groups / on a mums WhatsApp group etc someone says something that makes me wonder if they are single but I always feel too awkward to ask them! Do you think someone would be offended if I asked them that (and they had a partner for instance)? Not sure the best way to ask / find out?

Usually after a bit further talking it gets mentioned, ie. plans for the next few days.

I find it often doesn't, as most chat tends to be about the babies etc! People do sometimes mention partners but if someone asked me about my plans for the next few days I don't think they would know I was single particularly.. obviously if you get to know someone it generally comes up, but I've chatted to people for a quite a while before bringing up the fact I'm single, some still don't know!

Often people watch what they say to avoid divulging being single. I know I do. Usually taking about men helps sussing it out.