Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Original poster

What do you make of this?

10 replies

Chiloquin · 24/11/2021 00:23

My daughter doesn't see her father as a result of him being abusive towards me and putting me in danger during my pregnancy.
He was also abusive (not physically) and intimidating after the pregnancy.
I managed to get a non-mol (restraining order) out against him.
We were colleagues and I went into where we used to work to make a purchase and a colleague that I barely knew interrupted a conversation I was having with someone else asking how my daughter is. I told her she was fine and she asked to see a picture. Only to say very loudly "I hope you're letting her father see her".
This then sparked me explaining to her that it's complicated and I don't stop him but it would have to be in a contact center. She continued and eventually said in response to me telling her what he did "well I don't want to her in your business, I don't want to know anything about it". She refused to listen to everything I told her he did and eventually walked off. What do you make of this situation?

OP posts:
FortunesFave · 24/11/2021 04:32

It sounds upsetting but the lesson is this....she got up in your business when she asked if her Dad was seeing your child. At that first mention of your business you should have looked at her blankly and either changed the subject or walked away.

People like her are gossips who fish for information.

unicornsarereal72 · 24/11/2021 08:14

I wouldn't of even given it a full answer. I would of been suitably vague. Like he knows how to get in touch. Think of a non committal response to use in other circumstances.

And I hope you have put in for child support.

Original poster
Chiloquin · 24/11/2021 08:27

I really tried to cut the convo short but she was very persistent in calling me wrong. I was irritated by what she was saying. It annoyed me so much I couldn't help myself but to feel like I had to defend myself. Especially because she said it so loudly.
Yes he's on child support, finally. Initially I didn't
Want anything so I didn't claim but i felt that if he was still gonna harass me I should get some form of compensation for it. So I claimed.

OP posts:
TurnUpTurnip · 24/11/2021 12:09

Why did you go to the place you use to work, does he still work there? I would avoid it in future!

Original poster
Chiloquin · 24/11/2021 13:52

@TurnUpTurnip

Why did you go to the place you use to work, does he still work there? I would avoid it in future!
It's an electronic retail store. I can get a discount as I know some of them. No he doesn't work there anymore and hasn't for over 4 years. The shop is also very close to my house, he lives quite a distance away so there's a low chance that he'd be in this area or in the store
OP posts:
YodaiamsaidI · 24/11/2021 13:56

I would have complained to her boss about her unprofessional behaviour as you were there as a customer.

ginswinger · 24/11/2021 15:27

Honestly I would ignore and forget about it. This kind of interaction is rare and dwelling on it won't be kind to your mental health. It sounds as though you have done the right thing, there are some people out there who lack the wherewithall to be effective parents. It's unfortunate and you are sensible to not put up with that sort of behaviour.

There are some people who feel a child has a right to know their father regardless of them not demonstrating self control towards the co-parent. It's a lovely idea but having a mother who is anxious and unhappy at being subjected to abusive behaviour by the other parent does not rebalance the scales. In the circumstances you are correct to not currently provide access (remember access to the child is access to you too) on the grounds that he is behaving in a manner that warrants a non mol order. If he decides to change his approach, he may regain your trust but that's a negotiation. A suitable amount of contrition and self awareness would go a long way to mending a relationship, broken by him. You are under no obligation to mend it for him. If you do decide to allow access, I would suggest a mediated approach and a list of boundaries agreed on by both parties.

TurnUpTurnip · 24/11/2021 15:44

Ah that makes sense, I would ignore and not interact in future, you could complain about it but it might be awkward next time you have to go in

Theunamedcat · 24/11/2021 15:47

I would complain there is a time and a place for that conversation and it should only be by consent anyway

sandy354 · 25/11/2021 17:23

@YodaiamsaidI

I would have complained to her boss about her unprofessional behaviour as you were there as a customer.

This

New posts on this thread. Refresh page