My daughter and new gf

ParrotK · 2021-11-22T06:59:29+00:00

Just some back history. Well I have been through a tough couple of weeks personally my friend passed away and me and my ex was talking about being in a relationship again anyways I didn't accept the terms of the relationship so we went our seperate ways now 3 weeks later he is with someone else and having my daughter sleep at her house! She has a baby and a child herself. I find this very odd behaviour that they would introduce their kids to their new partner so quickly. Anyways my daughters dad basically does not respond to my concerns about my daughter going and sleeping at his girlfriends house so quick. I don't know what else to do in regards to this and is it normal to be introducing your kids so quick to people? He's a very unreasonable selfish person. Where should I go from here? I ain't happy about a new gf being around my daughter 3 weeks after him seeing her I wouldn't mind if it was months.

Evesgarden · 22/11/2021 07:14

I think I would contact social services and ask for advice on if they can see if this house is suitable for her to be sleeping in. They should be able to do a welfare check. My friend did this when her ex did similar.

I would also stop visitation until it was resolved and start child custody proceedings

Theunamedcat · 22/11/2021 07:26

Yes its normal to do this especially if your wanting a reaction from someone else

Unless you have real concerns about welfare there is zero point in calling social services you will be seen as someone who can't get over a relationship and that's usually what the man (or woman) wants

If she seems like a good enough person and all your issues are because it's too soon then I would stop kicking up a fuss don't be the crazy jealous ex

And maybe feel sorry for her she is the one being used you don't discuss getting back with your ex then suddenly fall in love with someone else either she was there already and he was using you or he is using her

Evesgarden · 22/11/2021 07:48

I wouldn't care what it would look like.

There are two high profile cases in press at the moment which involves the death of a child at the hands of the step mother/girlfriend.

We need to move away from having a liberal approach when it comes down to our children and actually be proactive in keeping them safe.

So yes OP I would absolutely be contacting SS and asking them to see if this is woman's house is suitable for your child to be staying in.

Mybalconyiscracking · 22/11/2021 07:53

Well she has two young children and she wants to spend time with a new boyfriend, what do you expect her to do?

Original poster

ParrotK · 22/11/2021 08:25

Bit weird introducing a new child to your baby tbh I didn't meet someone when I had a baby and waited a year. She don't know his background he is an emotional abuser so I agree with your statements looking for a reaction maybe using me or her or both. But I just want my daughter to be safe and so quick to be having strangers in your house and letting the daughter around your new gf. I date that's what I do I don't have them in my house. It's clear it will be rushed.

OP posts:

unicornsarereal72 · 22/11/2021 12:19

It's not ok but there is little you can do. We all have these sorts of stories to tell. My kids were sleeping on their dads bedroom floor with ow 12 weeks after he left family home. When that relationship ended he moved in with new gf 4 weeks later. She has kids of her own.

School raised a safe guarding. Social services weren't interested and it was put down to poor and parenting. He is allowed to be a rubbish dad.

How old is your child. My eldest has now voted with their feet.

TurnUpTurnip · 22/11/2021 13:24

I don’t think ss will be interested they certainly can’t police peoples relationships and there is no law about how quickly you can introduce your child to someone

Original poster

ParrotK · 22/11/2021 14:50

Tbh I think I wouldn't let my kid go to their dad's if it was that bad and sleeping on the floor. She is only 4

OP posts:

gogohm · 22/11/2021 16:06

It's very fast but it's not up to you how fast he introduces a new partner. If you have welfare concerns of cause call social services but if it's just a case of you being uncomfortable with her meeting so soon this is not a matter for the authorities. You need to come to terms with the situation which is tough

user97533676 · 23/11/2021 04:53

OP why were you putting dd in danger by getting back with an abuser?

Ime lots of men do this but there's little we can do. Do you have court-ordered contact?

NynaeveSedai · 23/11/2021 05:00

@Evesgarden

I think I would contact social services and ask for advice on if they can see if this house is suitable for her to be sleeping in. They should be able to do a welfare check. My friend did this when her ex did similar.

I would also stop visitation until it was resolved and start child custody proceedings

No they won't randomly check someone's background for the OP! Unless there are reasons to think the woman is unsafe, this is entirely the decision of the parent (the father).

NynaeveSedai · 23/11/2021 05:01

You can't stop this I'm afraid. It's crappy parenting on his part but it's not your decision to make.
Do you think she's a risk or just has bad judgement?

Original poster

ParrotK · 23/11/2021 06:53

I have been manipulated emotional abuse isn't as easy as putting your child at danger. She isn't in danger by emotional abuse he abused me. He would put me down everyday. He would gaslight me, lie, silent treatment recently he was telling me to kill him and he needed mental health help. But now in a relationship. All the classic emotional abuse. Only towards me I have read up about it recently to actually heal from it. I actually do not trust whether she is in danger or not he doesn't have good judgement no. My daughter has actually ended up in hospital from taking pills at her nans house (dad's side) whilst stopping over so I said she is too ill to have DD anyways he disagreed with me? He doesn't contact me so I know nothing really if she has somewhere to sleep or will she be OK. So I don't know if she is safe

OP posts:

Original poster

ParrotK · 23/11/2021 06:59

I wasn't getting back with him I said i don't want him back I was also very vulnerable I lost my best friend of 15 years he says I will come to your house so he stayed at my house all week and then I tell him I don't want the relationship he wants. We go our seperate ways but he asks me to come his and to come mine I say no now he's with someone else. So I actually had enough of the abuse and realised I didn't want that life.

I don't really want to talk about my relationship with him. This is only about my daughters safety as its OK to be like yeah it will be OK. But it's now ok when you don't know whether your child will wake up in a hospital bed. So I've been through that in the past. It's too late to do anything once it's already happened.

OP posts:

Evesgarden · 23/11/2021 07:08

@TurnUpTurnip

I don’t think ss will be interested they certainly can’t police peoples relationships and there is no law about how quickly you can introduce your child to someone

Actually they do check to see if the home is suitable for the child. My friend did exactly the same thing to her ex new partner. The new GF was checked out and the flat they were in was checked to see if it was suitable.

NynaeveSedai · 23/11/2021 07:11

Actually they do check to see if the home is suitable for the child. My friend did exactly the same thing to her ex new partner. The new GF was checked out and the flat they were in was checked to see if it was suitable.

I promise you if you called me on screening asking for a check of your ex partner's new girlfriend for absolutely no reason you would not be given any information and would be told no we cannot do that. IF we were already involved that would be entirely different.

Evesgarden · 23/11/2021 07:39

@NynaeveSedai

Actually they do check to see if the home is suitable for the child. My friend did exactly the same thing to her ex new partner. The new GF was checked out and the flat they were in was checked to see if it was suitable.

I promise you if you called me on screening asking for a check of your ex partner's new girlfriend for absolutely no reason you would not be given any information and would be told no we cannot do that. IF we were already involved that would be entirely different.

Maybe that's why so many children are being battered to death and sleeping in disgusting situations.

YOU might not be prepared to do this but I know for fact this does happen so there is no point in debating it with you.

Evesgarden · 23/11/2021 07:47

Also OP if there is no contact order in place she doesn't have to go at all.

TurnUpTurnip · 23/11/2021 08:32

Sorry but I don’t believe that is true. Not if there are no concerns other than introducing too quickly but that’s up to the parents to decide.

Evesgarden · 23/11/2021 12:07

@TurnUpTurnip

Sorry but I don’t believe that is true. Not if there are no concerns other than introducing too quickly but that’s up to the parents to decide.

Believe what you want. Its makes no odds to me

TurnUpTurnip · 23/11/2021 12:19

Yes it doesn’t and they won’t do it so carry on looking crazy thinking ds have time to police peoples relationships 🤦🏻

Evesgarden · 23/11/2021 12:33

@TurnUpTurnip

Yes it doesn’t and they won’t do it so carry on looking crazy thinking ds have time to police peoples relationships 🤦🏻

They are not policing adult relationships - they are making sure its a safe environment for the children. And I know they do. It might have been through the courts and not directly through SS but I know my friend had her exes new partners flat checked out and she had to have an interview with them. I couldn't care less if you don't believe me - how bizarre!

Is an environment safe when a child take medication that was not intended for her and ends up hospital?

Is a child when a parent is asking for some one to kill them and saying they need mental health help?

Is a child safe when she is being dragged to a women house that the father has only known for three weeks?

Its absolutely a safeguarding issue and OP has got plenty of examples to start with.

OP speak to a solicitor and explain the situation and see in what legal route you can take to put a stop to it. It might mean reducing contact to a contact centre.

NynaeveSedai · 23/11/2021 18:17

It might have been through the courts and not directly through SS

Oh might it????

Of course it was. That's completely different to what you said, which is that social services will randomly check the background of any one's new partner just on the off chance that there might be something to find. There are very strict thresholds for sharing information about other private citizens. Have you heard of data protection? If children are subject to court proceedings that is TOTALLY different.

Original poster

ParrotK · 25/02/2022 07:34

I just want to give an update. I wasn't jealous or anything to do with him and her but they broke up he claimed it was all just a rebound and he wasn't fully over me. But told me her house was a mess and she smoked weed all day. I actually wish I would have rang social services now. She has a baby and child herself aswell! I was made out to be jealous or something like that but my child was probably being neglected. Her dad had her in a messy house around a woman who smoked weed all day. Proper different to the stable upbringing she has with me. No different men, no drugs and hardly ever messy house. Please trust your instincts in regards to your kids.

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unicornsarereal72 · 25/02/2022 12:26

That's good to hear the relationship has ended.

Sadly children do live in conditions that are not savoury. People have different standards and the threshold for social services involvement is sadly rather high. Living in a mess is ok. The drug use is of course challengeable again some families live like this.

Good your dd is safe with you now