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Sons dad messing about with contact! Advice please

4 replies

Babymama2020 · 20/11/2021 17:01

Hi, my son is 17 months old. His dad left when he was 7 weeks and hasn’t been having him over night until the last few months.
Our agreement was every other Saturday night from tea time till lunch the next day. All was going well, he asked if he could change it to Friday due to work been offered on a Sunday. I was ok with this. However, yesterday I phoned to see what time I was dropping our son off. He was in the pub, and said he was having a drink then will be home. I instantly felt unsure about taking our son with him drinking, but he phoned me back to say he was home and jumping in shower and will let me know when he is sorted. 2 hours passed and I heard nothing, I phoned and he hung up. Then he called back a bit after and said he hasn’t been in the shower yet. By this time our son was hungry as he was supposed to be giving him his tea, it was dark outside and my ex’s attitude stunk. I asked if he wanted me to feed our son, and keep him as it was getting late. He said for me to do what I want and called me some unreasonable nasty names and hung up. I tried to call back but he kept hanging up and ignoring my calls. I kept our son, I woke to some nasty messages from him threatening to take me to court etc! Then this morning he is full of apologies. He wants to come over to see our son, but I’m angry at him for the things he said and the way he let him down.
What do you suggest I do from here?
Should I stop him coming to my house to see his son and just see him on his weekends?
Or should I forgive him? Help please!!

OP posts:
TurnUpTurnip · 20/11/2021 18:05

I wouldn’t have kept calling him tbh, he is your ex, if he doesn’t show up just ignore him and get on with your day, you can’t force someone to be a parent and tbh I wouldn’t bother trying with constant phone calls etc

IAAP · 20/11/2021 18:18

When mine didn’t show up I texted to say ‘you haven’t turned up for contact on this day at this time for contact’ nothing more or less no chasing just a record and leave - phone calls mean nothing - he can say in court that you said son was ill. Do not chase and always have a plan b

unicornsarereal72 · 21/11/2021 08:38

I gave my ex half an hour window. If he was a no show he would then wait until the next contact weekend.

We went out and kept busy. He didn't like it but quickly realised I wasn't going to be messed about.

Don't chase. He knows his weekend. He turns up or doesn't. He doesn't need you to organise him.

Rainbowqueeen · 21/11/2021 08:44

Agree with PPs. Keep records of everything and if he doesn’t show up then make a note of it and go about your day.
Your DC deserves stability and consistency.

I’d tell him that you think court is a great idea but the court will require mediation first and could he please organise it. I would not let him come to your house - that is your safe space. I’d just say you would prefer to stick to the contact schedule that you have both agreed to and you will have DC ready to collect at the next designated day.

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