Feel so down

[Shoegal0305]

Not sure if this is the right place to post, however I am a lone parent.

Feeling so down right now. DS left home a year ago, to pursue what he wanted to do work wise. It's been very up and down, he appears settled right now. He lives 2 hours away so not the end of the world, however it costs me a lot of money when I want to see him as I have to pay for accommodation etc. he lives in a room in a complex so I can't stay there. I work full time in emergency services so yet again I'm working all Christmas. My son recently ended a relationship he was in, she was a lovely girl but had a very troubled past and had complex mental health issues. I found it stressful as it obviously affected my son. He's off three days over Christmas, the exact three days I'm on nights. His dad apparently is working too so he can't go there. My suu it sure said he can go there but that's 30 miles from me so if he does come home I won't see him anyway. I'm off new year and he's working so I'd hoped to see him then but that's not happening now. The only family I have are my DS, sister and mum who has mental health problems. She has been seriously Ill recently with sepsis and covid I honestly thought we were going to lose her I still feel traumatised by it however she is gaining strength now which I'm so grateful for.

I just feel like the whole world is gearing up for the typical family Christmas. I feel like cancelling the whole thing. My colleagues who are working at least have family at home who they'll see between shifts. I'm feeling proper sorry for myself. Last Christmas my son was at home as he didn't have a full time contract so although I was working I did see him. This year I'll be totally alone. A friend has invited me over for Christmas dinner but I'll be in between nights so that'll be dependant on how the shifts go. Forgive my melancholy I just feel so down.

That's meant to read MY SISTER SAID HE CAN GO THERE.

I think the only option you have is to make changes to the things you do not like, so you are not in this position next year.

@FallonCarringtonWannabe that's the problem, I think? These things are out of my control. I can't control my shift pattern, I try to get annual leave every year trust me! And I can't control my sons working pattern 😞

There can't be much that it is more worthwhile or more in the true spirit of Christmas than working nights in emergency services. I'd a family member who always did this to allow people with young families or Christmas religious observances to have the time off. We simply celebrated with them on a different day after Christmas. Is there any chance you could do this or perhaps see your sister for New Year ? Could she come to you then or the weekend before Christmas? Otherwise,I'd line up lots of Zoom meetings with your son and sister and treat myself to really good breakfasts coming off shift.

@ItsDinah thank you for replying. I'm working the 3 weekends prior to Christmas (the way my rota falls 😞) snd my sister doesn't drive and works during the week. Sod's law huh?! The breakfast idea I like 😂😂. Just feeling really alone. I'd like to say it's a rewarding job but alas the emergency services are stretched beyond belief at the moment morale is so low we are all exhausted and demotivated 😞

Working any shift work sucks. A d if those around also have some shift pattern it is even harder.

I worked in nursing homes for years. The nights. Weekends and bank holidays were harsh. Can you diversify for next year. Going into training role. Or an office based position.

It was the best thing I ever did. 15 years in a nine to five job and it is still a novelty.

@unicornsarereal72 unfortunately there's no scope in my role for being office based. It's 24/7 shifts 365 days a year. 😞

Are their community roles you could consider?

I'm sure you have thought of all the possibilities. I work for a neurological charity. And though it was rather niche but I'm not at all. I have many transferable skills.

Working with vulnerable people
Families in need
Applying for benefits
Housing advice
Admin
Etc etc.

@unicornsarereal72 there are community roles but it would mean me studying for a masters degree. I've done my job 26 years it's not something I want to do. I'm
Kinda stuck as most of my colleagues the same age are talking retirement in a few years. Alas I rent my house so won't have a paid up mortgage so still need to earn a good amount to pay my rent. About 15 years of my career were part time as I was a lone parent and didn't have childcare so I need to work full time to get my pension up for when I do claim it.