Hello!
Needing some help and words of affirmation with the situation I am in.
I am 17 weeks pregnant and already have a child (4yo) with my "partner". However he's been treating me like dirt throughout this pregnancy, not tending to any of the jobs at home, and when he does expecting a mighty round of applause for it (like do I ever get that? No). A while back I found out he's been leeching money off the joint account for petrol he's used for work for two years (I work full-time from home so have literally zero expenses, and if there are I pay from my own pocket). Not only that, but I am self-employed and need to be sensible with my money, such as saving for holiday pay, maternity pay, tax and so on. So while it might look like I get more via my invoices, my take home pay is about 60% of what he earns. However for as long as we've had a joint account I've been putting the exact same money in as he has done.
Throughout our relationship he's also kept in contact with exes and managed to convinced me, against my gut feeling, that it was ok and that I had to trust him. Yet he would get messages out of the blue from someone asking for "help" or "advice" about something. I flipped my lid and took a hammer to his iPad (I do not regret it) for all the shit he's put me through. He knew that he was in the wrong. He had the audacity to tell me to block a guy that was flirting with me at a party when we were laughing about stupid memes online... despite being in contact with these exes...
(Sorry if any of this seems disjointed, I am headachey and so tired)
Things were going ok until his dad and stepmum came to stay with us this past week. All of a sudden he's father/husband of the year, cleaning the house, cooking, washing the dishes, etc. But fake only goes so far because he was incapable of doing little everyday things like brush his son's teeth, get him ready for school or even bathe him. I did him the favour of putting on his dirty laundry (which he left stinking up the washing machine for days) and when reminded to hang it up he said "I didn't wash them, you did so you hang them up" in front of his dad, acting macho presumably. So I ripped him a new one right there and then, and again the morning after outlining exactly how incompetent he really is. I said some things which I thought were home truths but because it upset him he is saying I'm a horrible person (things like, he doesn't stick to routine because his family separated and he had no stability, and that he doesn't respect women at all - he complains often about how all he ate as a teenager was fast food and takeaways because his mum was too busy working full time while looking after him and his two younger sisters, whereas his dad, who had literally all the time in the world, would cook him homemade burgers which isn't fast food apparently).
Anyway fast forward, I have left now. The last straw was yesterday when I booked an expensive lunch to celebrate his dad's and stepmum's birthday, but because I was being "horrible" he said he didn't feel like going and called it off. Everyone had gotten ready for it and were halfway out the door. I made the decision there and then just to leave, because my body couldn't handle the stress any more...
Now I am back at my family home. Our son is with him today, to be dropped off here later. I am thinking about not giving him any parental rights to my unborn child because 1. why should I and 2. I can't deal with someone who treats me like less than a human being and 3. if I stay with him/have him around it's going to mess up the kids. I really should have left him 7 years ago when I had the chance. But it's never too late to stand up for yourself and take action I believe. Don't get me wrong, I am not a weak person and am capable of giving as good as I get, but it's time for me to be in a relationship that isn't fuelled by fighting and gaslighting to be honest. It's just toxic and I barely recognise myself.
Anyone else been in the same/similar situation?
From a tired woman to the next...