Bedtimes when things are fraught

[MrsHookey]

Bedtimes can be trying. Ive got two children both looking for cuddles and hugs and suddenly requiring attention. They are 8 and 9. One has autism. One has potentially got ADD.

Bedtimes drag on for 1.5-2 hours and by this stage I really need a break and am ready to combust instead of feeling calm. I do try and keep calm and lay down with them etc but sometimes this gets too much.

I ended up shouting last night. I wasn't mean and explained it was my fault- mummy gets hangry and mummy's stress bucket gets full and I've tried my best for two hours etc.

After the shouting, I eventually allowed DD to sleep on the sofa for an hour (while I watched television on silent/subtitles in the kitchen). This was after a prolonged bedtime where I had tried letting her read, laying with her in bed, calm music on Alexa, snuggling her, while being asked for snuggles from her brother.

I was at the end of my tether and felt better when I had spaced out for an hour in front of the TV.

My own mum thinks there is no harm done if you lose it.

Does anyone have any good tips for this time, when you are exhausted yourself and just need some space and peace?

This worked for me with NT children who were a little bit younger than yours. When I’d had enough I’d run myself a bath and get in. Shortly afterwards my dc would turn up and in a couple of minutes would be in the bath themselves. I’d get out, and let them wallow until the bath was cold, offering them their toothbrushes. When they got out they’d naturally get into PJs and we’d be most of the way through bedtime.

If you’ve ever read Jill Murphy’s “Five Minutes Peace”, you’ve had a snapshot of my family.

Oh, and FWIW I don’t think it’s a disaster to have sometimes lost it with your children. It teaches them that you are a human with feelings, too.

Would it help to agree a schedule with them. So they know clearly what is expected of them and when. With reward for each evening it is achieved. And a weeks worth of tokens gets what ever their incentive is?