Ex and weekend job

12 replies

NewStart2131 · 10/11/2021 09:36

Hi everyone,
Me and my ex share custody of our children, we have them 50/50. He has informed me he has applied for a weekend job and that the arrangement we currently have may have to change a little bit. Do I really have to accommodate him having a second job? The arrangement we have now has taken 3 years to get in place and I don’t see why everything should change just because he wants a second job? Surely he should do that in his own free time and not time where he has the kids? There have been countless times where I’ve turned overtime down on a weekend because I had the kids. Am I being unreasonable? I haven’t really said anything yet as he hasn’t actually got the job but I’m really annoyed that he has only thought about himself on this and not what affect it will have on the kids.

OP posts:

BeyondOurReef · 10/11/2021 09:40

You can’t make him have the kids at the weekend if he doesn’t want to. It’s a shame that he’d rather work than see them, but what can you really do about it?

titchy · 10/11/2021 09:45

Well he has a choice doesn't he - amend the contact to be 60/40 in your favour and pay CM, or find childcare while he's a work.

Maybe ask which of those options he'd prefer if he gets the job?

doyouwantachuffedybadge · 10/11/2021 09:52

@BeyondOurReef

You can’t make him have the kids at the weekend if he doesn’t want to. It’s a shame that he’d rather work than see them, but what can you really do about it?

And he can't make her have the kids at the weekend if she doesn't want to either. Too many men pick and choose when they want to be a parent and it's not on. If he gets a job while he is meant to have the kids, he finds childcare, just like mothers do when they have to work and sort out where the kids will be when they do.

blissfulllife · 10/11/2021 09:54

HE needs to sort childcare then x

caringcarer · 10/11/2021 10:14

He should not have applied unless he has childcare sorted for his time. Tell him that. You need time too and as you say you turn overtime at weekends down if you have children. He should do same.

OhamIreally · 10/11/2021 18:57

Yup - he needs to find childcare. You're not it.

CiaoForDiNiaoSaur · 10/11/2021 18:59

His time = his job to sort childcare.

3peassuit · 16/11/2021 18:47

His responsibility to sort and pay for childcare on his time.

MarmitesMyMate · 19/11/2021 17:59

His hours he sorts childcare. Just like if u did overtime you sort childcare

fuckyourpronouns · 19/11/2021 18:00

Hello ex
Thanks for letting me know about your new job however no need - you just need to make arrangements for childcare for anytime you're at work.

Thanks
Op

Original poster

NewStart2131 · 19/11/2021 18:47

Thanks everyone, think I needed reassurance I wasn’t being unreasonable. He has a habit of spinning things round to make me feel like the bad guy.
No mention if he’s got the job yet so I’m just ignoring the situation for now.

OP posts:

Beer2bed · 19/11/2021 20:49

Had the same thing. Ex had every other weekend then decided to take a new job which meant he was away for work every 3rd week. Just said to me tough I cant have DC that week. Like you I had always turned down overtime when was I had the DC the 80% of the time.

Anyway long story short. I got bullied into agreeing and it was a nightmare. He loved boasting about all the extra money he was making during that week (whilst refusing to pay more child maintenance). Stand your ground, it's taken me 3 years to do it and wish had done it sooner.

Flip