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Original poster

Dictating Weekend Activities

17 replies

cosmicbabe · 10/11/2021 08:24

Hi,

My sons father currently has ever other weekend (Thu, Fri, Sat nights and drops him home Sundays). He has arranged football activities without asking me across both Saturday and Sundays. He tells me I have to take our son on my weekends.

My ask is that when do you agree and when do you not. I feel he is controlling my life with our son and we're not together. Surley he can only arrange activities when he has our son and not arrange stuff for me to do with him also. As if I turned the tables and I was the NRP my weekends would be full of football and not quality time with our son. How can that be fair?

However if I don't do what he says he then bad mouths me and tells me I'm not supporting and pushing our son. This is all to do with football.

Thanks for reading. I feel drained and controlled and feel sorry for my son xxx

OP posts:
Beamur · 10/11/2021 08:30

What does your son want to do?

Aimee1987 · 10/11/2021 08:35

@Beamur

What does your son want to do?
Was just about to ask this. Also what age is son. If son is for example teen or pre teen and wants to participate I dont see a big problem. If hes 3 and ex is pushing his hobby onto the child then I wouldn't bother For what it's worth DSS splits his weekends and mum doesnt being him to stuff at ours. Hes 9 but in our case it's more down to distance. We live 45 min apart.
Original poster
cosmicbabe · 10/11/2021 08:42

So we live 3 hours apart. My son is 8. He loved his football team where he's been for the last 3 years which I got him into his n the Saturdays. Then his dad started taking him and shouting at him from the side lines. Then booked him into academy's to make him better. Son hated it. He dreaded his dad coming to football. Would cry. He's now sick before his football when he's with his dad. He is scared of his dad so goes along with what his dad says and even tells me that I have to take him on my weekends as otherwise his dad will be angry. His dad manipulates him.

His dad then wanted to pull him from the Saturday football as it wasn't good enough standard and arranged this other team behind my back. Our son is torn at what he wants now.

OP posts:
HollysBush · 10/11/2021 08:42

Sorry you’re coping with this. Depends on your child I suppose, if they really want to do it. If there’s something else you think they would benefit more from, ideally you would discuss it with your ex. I’d probably compromise and say I’d take him on one weekend day only.

HollysBush · 10/11/2021 08:46

Sounds like ds is really not enjoying football! There’s a milllion other things he could try. I really wanted my dd to do ballet, but she just didn’t click with it so we stopped going. Looks like you’ve all given it a good try, not like he’s quitting after a couple of months is it!

Beamur · 10/11/2021 08:50

Poor lad. This can't be helping him love football either.
So, is one day his preferred team and the other an academy? Is this near where you live or where Dad lives?
I think you're perfectly entitled to refuse to take him on your weekends but I would want to get to the bottom of what your DD wants to do.
I think you may have to stand up and protect your son here..

Beamur · 10/11/2021 08:51

DS not DD sorry!

dancinfeet · 10/11/2021 08:52

Do what your son wants. I run a dance school and lose some students because the child wants to dance, one parent signs them up, then the other parent won’t commit on their weekends so the child loses out. Sometimes travelling distance is an issue but mostly it’s just lack of commitment. Listen to your child and do what is best for him, but don’t be railroaded by your ex either.

Insert1x20p · 10/11/2021 08:52

How can you take him to football on your weekends when it’s 3 hours away- ie a 6 hr round trip?

theremustonlybeone · 10/11/2021 08:59

Your ex is a nasty bully. Your poor boy . You need to do what is right for your DS and what makes him happy. If my DS was being sick before football and was getting distressed I would be going to speak to social services for advice

Aimee1987 · 10/11/2021 09:14

In the senario you describe fuck that shit. I wouldn't be taking him.
Your poor son.

Original poster
cosmicbabe · 10/11/2021 10:15

But when others try and co-parent would you expect some communication on this sort of stuff rather than being dictated too. Or do you generally find they stick to their weekends and don't get involved in your life ect?

OP posts:
theremustonlybeone · 10/11/2021 10:21

It would be normal to expect communication, it is not normal for an ex to make decisions which would impact the other parent without agreement.

Pumpkinsonparade · 10/11/2021 10:22

A judge told my exh to stop making plans for the dc in my time.
Ds's coach was happy he went eow to training /matches..

BananaPB · 10/11/2021 11:18

A judge would say that ex can't dictate what happens on your weekends. Even if the team was local he wouldn't be able to insist that your son attended. Is your son young enough that part-time attendance would be ok?
If my child was playing for a major team, I'd move rather than drive 6 hours every other weekend. You need to keep on saying it's not in your son's interests to spend 6 hours each weekend travelling to dad's local area.

Original poster
cosmicbabe · 10/11/2021 11:39

So when my ex comes down he stays down this way as he has his own place here too to facilitate his child weekends. So the football is basses here.

OP posts:
Pumpkinsonparade · 10/11/2021 13:11

Yanbu to tell ds you have other plans in your week ends. But his df is welcome to take him and be a twat on the sidelines in his time!
Imo your ds needs you to be seen to not be towing the line for his df....

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