Advice for helping 5 year old

[redlollies]

My partner and I are separating. He has been struggling with his mental health and decided it's best for his recovery that he leaves. He doesn't have a plan or date yet but he is readying himself. I am heartbroken but also exhausted by it all and coming to terms it may be the only way we can all try and move forward and start living our lives again.

Does anyone have any advice on the dos and don'ts of telling our child and how to best help her in the first weeks and months? She is very close to him and his mental health means I feel a lot of responsibility in helping her through this in a healthy way.

Anyone?

You Both sit with them and say mummy and daddy can't live together anymore. They don't make each other happy. But they love you very much. You will stay in this house/ have your bedroom and see daddy at weekends. Of however the plan is. I wouldn't say much more but let them know they Can ask any questions.

Arrange regular contact. and stick to it.

My youngest was 5. She was of course upset. But both of them followed my ques. If I had cried at the point it would of been an emotional mess. We cuddled and went out for ice cream. Rather than sitting being sad.

For us ex let them down badly. He arranged to see them and didn't come. Stopped answering messages and missed contacted. I tired to cover for him but that wasn't fair on me or the children. So I had to say I don't know why daddy doesn't answer his phone/visit. He loves you but is a rubbish daddy at the moment.

I hope it goes as well as it can for you.

He doesn't have a plan or date yet but he is readying himself.

I would wait until some concrete details have emerged. Otherwise she'll be worried about him leaving when she's asleep/at school etc

Agree with pp about her taking her cues off you. If you're matter of fact about her visiting parents in different homes, hopefully she will feel the same.

Regular contact is good too. Even if it's a little for now because of his mh , regular contact will help things seem normal quicker. Do you have a calendar? I put up a wall calendar around the time that ex and I split up so they could see how long until the weekend etc

Thank you both so much. I just can't think straight at the moment so it is so helpful and reassuring to have this advice and guide to follow. One less thing to stress over.

The wall calendar is a great idea and i will encourage the regular even if small contact. I was thinking he and I should sit down and plan this conversation and maybe if I can practice I won't fall apart. Even typing this I have tears rolling down my cheeks. Thank you again. X

I wouldn't rehearse it. We love you but we don't love each other. Daddy will lives here you will see him every wed/sat.

Don't set up a schedule if he is going to be flaky. My kids were fine with the chat. Few tears from
Them I had a moment I could of buckled but they needed me to keep it together. I was their rock. Their father worked away. So if I was ok. They were ok. We had a big cuddle. Agreed it was really sad. But that we were all going to be ok. And went out to the park. Don't drag it out.