Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Flip

Original poster

How do you all do it??

15 replies

Clarinet53 · 02/11/2021 23:07

I'm a lone parent to a son of 16 and daughter 13. I have a full on full time job which ends up with me doing hours off additional work to keep pace.

It's an old house with a huge garden.

My son is doing A levels and has a part time job.

My daughter wants to do lots of clubs and socialising with her friends.

I'm drained and feeling very low at the moment as I don't ever have a moment. I'm always clock watching as I have to be somewhere to drop off or pick up one of the teens.

The house always needs to be cleaned or tidied, never looks fresh.

The washing is endless along with the cooking and washing up.

The finances are stretched but there is always another thing which I need to find cash for.

I'm exhausted and just feel at the bottom of a big pile of shit.

Just didn't think my 40s would be like this 😞

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

R0tational · 02/11/2021 23:11

It's hard. My house is always such a mess :(

Do you have time scheduked for yourself? I have just started to fill my week with activities that are for me too e.g. a sports club once a week, booking ahead for cinema/theatre etc.

BunNcheese · 02/11/2021 23:15

Sorry your feeling like this OP. Can you reduce the amount of clubs your DD does?

Can you claim CMS at all?

Kittycat2019 · 02/11/2021 23:25

No magic answer I'm afraid and feel pretty much the same right now. I'm 41 divorced a month seperated since June . Working my arse off trying to keep the house for my 8/11 year old which is financially challenging . Working full time and catch-up in evening as school runs etc. And ex already flaking on his every Wednesday eow contact so just me. eldest just started secondary school and battling to get her to do homework every night, I'm exhausted
i feel like a shit mum as feel I'm constantly arguing with her to get schoolwork done, she has zero interest in anything other than art homework and just doesn't focus so drags everything out. Feel like I have to guide her through every piece of work so it gets done and I don't want her to fall behind . I don't have the time for her to dawdle over homework for 3 hrs, life's busy Running around doing swim runs 6 days a week and don't even know when last time properly cleaned the house was. So yeah, no magic answers for you but your not alone, it's really hard. I love my kids but just wanna cry right now. And tomorrow it all starts again.

Babyfg · 02/11/2021 23:33

You need to get them helping. A pain I know. I do a big sell in my house of being a team and we help each other out (pure cheesy behaviour and top acting skills). Dishes, hoovering, laundry- whatever you can blag out of them. Also send your daughter to as many clubs that she can go to by herself if possible.
Also could you share drop offs with another parent so it would carve a bit of time out. Take time out for yourself and stick to it (tbh the house work always waits so make sure you relish everything minute).

Also talk to them. I know I don't want to unburden on my kids but I think sometimes they need to know we're human and not machines to serve them. If you can afford hire help (my goal that I haven't achieved) do that. Is their dad around to do any of his share (although sometimes they make things harder so don't invite that back if that's the case).

Also I know teens want to socialise but I think I'd given them a token system if it got to much (fortunately we live somewhere with good transport links) like they can have five taxi rides from you that they can choose a week (including clubs)and unfortunately that's your limit.

And moan to someone you trust. Get it off your chest. We keep to much in and solider on. And be mean if you have to. You love your kids, they know that, your not an endless pot. If they miss out on one cinema trip or club it won't damage them (although they might be stroppy but you're a team!)

It's shit that it's barely ever the men complaining like this after a break up (and bloody unfair). Remember how much you've done and be proud. You've kept a roof over their heads, raised a productive sixteen year old (you deserve credit for his job too) and a well rounded social thirteen year old that has the resilience to give anything a go(all those clubs she wants to go to). They sound happy and healthy and that's because of you.

Blindleadingtheblind · 02/11/2021 23:40

I get it done badly. I should be in bed now. But I only sat down not long ago so this is my downtime. My house is a mess. Needs shit loads of repairs. My kids are younger than yours and still very dependent on me for lots of things. I don't get a moment to think. There's always something unexpected to fork out for. This month it's the car and a fence panel which has completed disintegrated with the shit weather and has completely rotten. I can't afford to do anything other than exist and get through each day. I'm mentally and physically drained. And my joints ache. Had enough in all honesty but I stay strong for my boys and remember this will all pass.

Stay strong OP

giggly · 02/11/2021 23:43

Yup I hear you, dc very similar ages one dc ASD and failing academically and I just don’t have the energy to help them any more than I can.
They do chores which helps hugely but I’m always exhausted.
Great advice from a fellow lone parent was to spend time decluttering which I have doing over the last year. It’s been a game changer less stuff less mess. I have accepted offers of lift shares to clubs for dc and now ask if more needed as I am no longer ashamed to ask for help.some of my friends are truly generous as they know I can’t do it all.

Danikm151 · 02/11/2021 23:46

Get your child a bus pass. You’ll save money on petrol.
They’re old enough to help out.
You need you time

Moonface123 · 03/11/2021 00:51

I am a single parent , l do my best but l can't do everything.
If the house is a mess, l don't sweat it. If I'm tired l will rest. You get no medals for being superwoman. More important to be a kind , calm loving parent than totally stressed and exhausted and no use to anyone.
Society expects you to just keep up, no matter what. Single parents. can feel like they are hopping along on one leg, but you often find they are incredibly resourceful and resilient, important life skills that the kids pick up on.
Know you are enough, and what you are doing is enough, and that it will get easier.

TurnUpTurnip · 03/11/2021 00:58

I don’t know how I am on my own with 4 10 and under, their “father” Isn’t involved at all so I do it alone and never have a break, it’s very very rough

1Micem0use · 04/11/2021 13:01

When my DC is school age and I'm a to up my working hours and not pay through the nose for childcare I fully intend on having a regular cleaner

1Micem0use · 04/11/2021 13:01

I'm able to

1Micem0use · 04/11/2021 13:02

Because the juggling act of cook clean laundry work garden DIY look after child is mental and thats one small bit I can outsource

BananaPB · 04/11/2021 21:14

You have my sympathies.

I need to organise a plumber for when I'm actually at home, struggling with a grocery order for tomorrow that nobody's going to help give me ideas for, need to do some garden maintenance but I have bad period cramps... it's never ending isn't it? 😔

FigureofEight · 04/11/2021 22:50

It's all shit

I have two. Older one has AsD and it makes me want to run away

Commonparenth00d · 10/11/2021 19:30

@Clarinet53

I'm a lone parent to a son of 16 and daughter 13. I have a full on full time job which ends up with me doing hours off additional work to keep pace.

It's an old house with a huge garden.

My son is doing A levels and has a part time job.

My daughter wants to do lots of clubs and socialising with her friends.

I'm drained and feeling very low at the moment as I don't ever have a moment. I'm always clock watching as I have to be somewhere to drop off or pick up one of the teens.

The house always needs to be cleaned or tidied, never looks fresh.

The washing is endless along with the cooking and washing up.

The finances are stretched but there is always another thing which I need to find cash for.

I'm exhausted and just feel at the bottom of a big pile of shit.

Just didn't think my 40s would be like this 😞

Its certainly not easy at all! I think it will help if you were able to hire a nanny or someone to help out. That's actually what I'm working on now but it's always challenging because you have to trust another person to come into your home and help with your children while you're not there.

Im in the process of looking for one now but I'm a little unsure of how to to screen their background. I've been able to find information about background checks on websites like www.backgroundcheckrepair.org. This has shown me if they have a criminal record or anything like that. If you have any other recommendations for screening I'm certainly open to hear them too.

I dont think it's ever easy to trust someone else with your child but hopefully you can have some piece of mind by getting to know more about the person you consider.

Oh, also what has really helped me as a single parent to save time throughout the week is meal planning. Sunday's I cook and freeze tons of food for the week. Pancakes, breakfast burritos, etc etc During the week while i'm working if the kids are hungry they know they have plenty of stuff they can snack on by microwaving it.

Other than that just try to stay sane an keep your chin up. You can do this!

Flip